IRISH DECLARE WAR
ON TERRORISM IRISH DECLARE WAR
ON TERRORISM
Subject: Irish
declare war on Osama Bin Laden
Osama bin Laden was
sitting in his cave wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Laden" a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Sligo,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring
war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Osama replied, "This is indeed
important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation,
"there is myself, my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart
team from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Osama paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one
million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you
back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Laden,
the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Osama asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm
tractor."
Osama sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000
tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to1-1/2
million
since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to
get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Laden, the
war is still on!
We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the
Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Osama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I
must tell you,
Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have
to ring youback."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the
mornin',
Mr. Laden! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off
the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Osama. "Why the
sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat
over a bunch of pints, and
decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."