| |
I was born in Beckenham, Kent in 1947. When people say "Kent --
the garden of England" they don't mean Beckenham, which was a dreary
suburb of semi-detached houses at least in that part where I lived
between the evocatively named Eden Park and Elmer's End (who Elmer
was and how he met his end I have never discovered). People were
genteel in that oppressively lower middle class way that cultivates
its own garden, washes its cars every Sunday, and keeps itself to
itself. My poor mother, with whom I had a difficult enough relationship,
was Danish, from a jolly family who liked to sit up all night drinking
schnapps and playing cards. She might have suffocated in Beckenham.
Instead she gave a Danish-style party every Christmas Eve, was never
invited back, and finally took solace in religion. My father was
comfortably large, lazy and smoked a pipe. He had his own car hire
business (two cars) and, as an item in the local paper once said
on the occasion of the firm's fiftieth anniversary, had driven such
celebrities as Bob Monkhouse and Hugh Bean. Despite being touched
with such glamour, however, I think he remained a disappointment
to my mother.
I was a silent, sullen child. No wonder
my mother preferred my much older sweet-natured sister, a nurse.
I hated Beckenham and especially Beckenham Grammar School for Girls
where we were expected to behave like young ladies. But this was
the sixties. Rebellion was the order of the day and in my case extended
to not wearing the school tie under my high-necked navy sweater.
Bright new Essex University welcomed
the clever girl I was into its Comparative Studies department. An
American professor with a deep brown voice talked me into learning
Russian. At thirteen I had already read Dostoevsky's The Devils
and had given up belief in God. I was thinking of studying politics
or sociology but soon realised my brain wasn't analytical enough
and plumped for literature. I fell in love with an Israeli poet
much older than me, a neurotic man who nevertheless broadened my
little suburban mind with his awareness of European culture and
his artistic friends. He couldn't live in Colchester and got a flat
in Belsize Park in north London. I used to stay there sometimes
and after I graduated, I found a room nearby, at South End Green
on the edge of Hampstead Heath. We'd spend our free time wandering
round markets and bookshops, me thinking I looked dramatic in a
long black coat and black hat and starving hungry because the poet
never ate until afternoon and I was too intimidated (it didn't seem
sufficiently spiritual) to munch in front of him.
I didn't want to be the teacher my mother was expecting me to
become but failed to find better work than Dillons Bookshop. It
was an enjoyable time, nonetheless -- lots of weird drop-outs took
temporary residence there -- but I was getting nowhere. So I went
back to Essex University to do a Ph.D on the Function of Quotation
in Dostoevsky. My thesis failed to shake the academic world but
gave me the opportunity to read lots of lovely books. I also went
to Leningrad for four months as part of a British Council exchange
programme. My father died suddenly when I was there and since my
family only saw fit to write to me about it (post to the USSR taking
weeks to arrive), by the time I found out, he was long dead and
buried and there seemed little point in returning home, so I didn't.
The bad daughter's reputation intact. On my return I found my mother
had thrown out all my father's pipes.
Back in London I got a job with the British
Council. In the meantime -- the Israeli poet and I having drifted
amicably apart -- I had met the Irish journalist Des Crowley, who
would eventually become my husband. This life-changing encounter
was at a party where I knew no one except the friend who had brought
me: Des tells me some of the Chieftains were there, including Paddy
Moloney, but what did I know. Danish relations say that with my
bare feet and long skirts I was their first hippie but the truth
is I was living in something of a dream world all through the late
sixties and early seventies: spaced out without taking drugs.
In the back-to-front way of those days,
Des and I decided to have a baby together and moved into a flat
in Wimbledon. Karl was born in June 1976 and I had six months maternity
leave from the British Council, extended to twelve. Then Des got
a job in Dublin and we moved there. I was pregnant again.
Was I writing? All the time but I never
showed it to anyone.
I was miserable in Ireland for the first year and a half. I knew
no one and couldn't make friends, since I was stuck at home with
the baby in a rented house in a suburban street with squinting windows.
As bad as Beckenham. Our new little girl, Louise, died at eleven
weeks, a cot death. I didn't want to stay in the house afterwards
and we bought our own place in Raheny, in a housing estate full
of young families, and got married for tax reasons in England, in
Bromley Registry Office, in case we ever wanted to get a divorce.
(No divorce in Ireland at the time -- my dissident Russian friends
had a merry laugh over that one when we visited them during the
first defeated divorce referendum. A free country, indeed) At the
wedding my mother smiled at last and invited us to spend our first
legal night as a couple in her bed. No thanks, mum.
For the first time I felt good about
Ireland. I had another girl, Jenny, in 1979 and three years later,
Leo, the other artist in the family.
I was working part-time as a genealogist
and also writing plays, novels and stories. My first novel entitled
Sleepwalkers was set in Leningrad. It took me twelve years
to write and was unpublishable. But I sent it to Attic press and
was invited to attend a writing workshop. Suddenly I began to feel
that I too could be taken seriously as a writer.
Next I wrote a play with songs about all the general elections
we were having at the time (I considered it Brechtian) and sent
it to an amateur drama company, Club Players. They did a reading
but never put it on. However, they asked me to try and write a play
for them, for the PJ O'Connor Radio Drama competition on RTE. I
had never attempted such a thing although over the years I had listened
to a lot of radio plays. The result, which I thought up on a long
walk through St Anne's Park, was Mr Moonlight, my first real breakthrough.
Club Players did a wonderful production (Val O'Donnell directing)
and Sean Murphy, sadly prematurely deceased, was perfect as Mr
Moonlight, the quack purveyor of dreams. We won the premier
award.
But it never gets easy. I was asked to try a screenplay for RTE
and produced a piece called Kevin's Bed before Bernard Farrell
used the same title for his stage play. Noel O'Briain, head of TV
drama, Tony Barry, the director, and myself leapt like mountain
goats around Glendalough looking for locations. The play never got
beyond that fine day, however, since the drama budget was slashed
soon afterwards.
The funny thing is how one thing so often leads to another. I
wrote a play based on the Irish Women's suffrage movement, entitled
Tides of Liberty. It was given a rehearsed reading at an
arts centre (long gone) on Bachelor's Walk. Through that I met among
others the actor and singer Susie Kennedy who put me in touch with
people writing comedy sketches. I tried my hand at it and produced
a few good ones, like Superwoman, Simply Disgusting, (The
Joys of Sex meets Darina Allen), and the Safe Sex Code,
with Sister Angela and Father Mick. These pieces and others were
used in the stage show, Mother Bat and the Rave Revue. From
that I got into writing sketches for television for a time: Nighthawks
and The Basement as well as contributions to a stage
show called The Crack Nineties, with lots of talented and
underrated actors, many of whom wrote their own material.
Then there were the novels, more radio
and stage plays, the non-fiction book, and pieces that never made
it into print or performance. A selection of the better bits are
reproduced or indicated elsewhere on this site. "Still writing?"
people often ask me, as if I have any choice. The thing about writers
is that they are addicted. They can't give it up, no matter the
risks to physical and mental health. Never mind the rejections,
I always go on to the next thing and the next and the next.
Apart from the writing, the revelation
to me has been the teaching. Forced into it for financial reasons
(and check out Stephen King On Writing, where he says that
the one good thing about creative writing classes is that it gives
employment to otherwise penurious writers), I found that I was good
at it and that I enjoyed it. It's been great for my self-confidence
too. From someone who for the first forty years of her life wouldn't
say boo to a gosling, never mind a goose, I've become quite a mouth
and only occasionally now am dumbstruck with self-doubt.
I like Dublin but I never thought I'd stay here long enough to
put my first child into school and now he's a Ph.D with a child
of his own. I still don't feel rooted but perhaps that's the nature
of being a writer, you stay an outsider. In my book of interviews,
Where the Grass is Greener, I discovered it was a problem
for many immigrant women, that for the Irish no matter how long
you live here you stay foreign. But I never felt at home in England,
either. My mother died in 1989 but my sister still lives in Kent.
I visit London regularly but don't think of ever returning there
permanently. As the song goes, I'm a stranger here myself.
|
|