Musicaux personæ

Name: Johnnie Boulevard. Height: Yes. Weight: Sometimes. Occupational therapy: I write the songs that make the whole world sick. Starsign: Scabies the cockroach. Instruments: Guitars, cadillacs, pink oboe. Wives/girlfriends: Both. Fave music: Mind yer nostrils. Most embarrassing moment: Right now. Fervent wish: To rid the world of hatred and assassinate Boyzone's Ronan Collins.

Name: Mike La Motta. Height: Taller than the average bear. Weight: No. Occupational therapy: I got the muzak in me. Starsign: Larry the lamb. Instruments : Hurdy-gurdy. Day-job: Dreamscape gardener. Financial status: Rich in ideas. Fave book: ‘Dick and Jane do it doggie-style’. Fave movie: ‘Porno Pinnochio’. Most embarrassing moment:Ten past four, Christmas day 1997. Fervent wish: I wish I was in Dixie.

Name: Millymollymandy. Height: Knee-high to a gazelle. Weight: Don't ask. Occupational therapy: I run Kerry's only massage-parlour-cum-protestant church. Starsign: Bollocky Bill The Errant Culchie. Pets: Filligree felching hamster. Instruments: Cat o' nine tails. Financial status: Loaded. Fave book: ‘Kama Sutra’ Fave music: Ker-ching of cash-register. Most embarrassing moment: My whole life.