Cricket Archive

22nd Jan; Following a most eventful mid-winter break, cricket is set to resume at The Haggard shortly. We have cleared all the buachalawns from the pitch and burned off the remaining bearts of rushes. A herd of goats (kindly loaned to us by a local peasant goat-farmer) has grazed all the grass from the wicket, ensuring plenty of spin for the bowlers. There will be no game next weekend due to the rugby match in Thomond Park between Munster and Biarritz. (We must be seen to support the local peasantry, so at to maintain our present harmonious relationship with them. We can`t allow the natives to get restless!) Hopefully, we will have some play the following week. Meanwhile, plans for the tour of New Zealand continue apace. We are in contact with the Centurian`s Cricket Club from Auckland (see Guest Book) and we hope to be in a position to divulge more details soon.

ABBEYFEALE C.C. CHURCH GATE COLLECTION (Cont.)

14th JAN: History was made at this Sunday`s church gate collection by Abbeyfeale Cricket Club when we ended up with less money than we started out with! Following the poor response the previous Sunday, our Treasurer, The Rev. Basil P Braithwaithe hit upon the ingenious idea of putting some loose change in to the collection plate in order to encourage donations from the local peasantry. He obtained £5 worth of coins of varying denominations from the Allied Irish Bank in The Square and carefully arranged them in colourful patterns at the bottom of the plate. However, he became distracted, and as soon as he turned his back , didn`t some louser swipe the lot! The club has therefore decided to suspend all church gate collections until further notice. FOGRA; Would there be any handyman out there who might be able to carry out repairs on a faulty condom machine in the gents toilet, as it has started to hand out bars of chocolate, much to the dismay of several of our male members!

8th Jan; Abbeyfeale Cricket Club organized a church gate collection on Sunday for the purposes of securing funds to send a team and officials, (plus their wives, sweethearts and fancy-women) on a three month tour to New Zealand. Unfortunately, the collection was not a success. The renouned generosity of the Abbeyfeale People, which is usually displayed to good effect with sizeable monetary offerings to the numerous deserving causes that set up stalls at the church entrance each Sunday was, in this case, sadly lacking, with the paltry sum of £1.73 being donated. "Tour New Zealand?" one wag commented. "The way things are going, we will be lucky to see Newcastle West!" Club Treasurer, The Rev. Basil P Braithwaithe, has announced that another church gate collection will be held next Sunday for anyone that might have inadvertently missed it on this occasion. "Give a lot." he said. "It means a little." Fogra; The buachalawns on the main training pitch are beginning to proliferate at an alarming rate. If there is anyone out there with a sharp scythe who would be willing to cut them, would they please contact our head greenkeeper immediately. (He can usually be found in The Cellar Bar.)

Abbeyfeale C.C. announce tour details!

2nd Jan. 2001; Following the recent debacle in Grogeen, when they were put to flight by the local rabble, Abbeyfeale cricketers re-grouped yesterday and emerged to announce details of their upcoming Overseas Tour. At a well-attended Media Reception at the Haggard Clubhouse, club PRO, Roderick L Thorpe Q.C. announced to the assembled world`s Press and Television that the team intended to tour New Zealand. Permission had already been granted by the New Zealand Cricket Board for the tour to go ahead, and he was now in contact with various local clubs to secure fixtures and accomodation for the team. To defray the very considerable costs of sending a team to New Zealand, it was proposed to hold a Church Gate Collection next Sunday. And, in line with other sporting organizations in the town, they were also considering the possibility of organizing their own Lotto Draw. Full details of the Tour Itinery and the proposed Lotto Draw will be unveiled shortly.

CRICKETERS IN SEARCH OF `WRAN`!

26th Dec. Abbeyfeale Cricketers ventured forth `on the wran` today in an attempt to generate some desperately needed funds to suppliment their upcoming overseas tour. (details to be announced) Gaily bedecked in hi-fiddles, straw boaters, and an assortment of striped blazers and waistcoats, and led by the irrepressible Ponsonby-Smythe, they marched up Bogmount, traversed across Abbeyfeale Hill and descended via Kilconlea and came in by the Killarney Road. Renowned international soprano, Miz Hortensia Ffyffe-Gould, was prevailed upon to provide the musical entertainment for the batch. Her soulful rendition of Old Man River whilst accompanying herself on the mouth-organ and, at the same time performing a spirited soft-shoe shuffle, (try saying that with false teeth!) on six inch stiletto heels, had to be seen to be believed. The only discordant note, (pardon the pun) was struck in Grogeen when a somewhat enraged old age pensioner emerged from his residence brandishing a four-pronged pike. "Up Dev!" he shouted, advancing in a somewhat threatening nature while all the time exhorting the local populace to rise again as in days of yore and put the Heathen Sassanach to flight. Ponsonby-Smythe and his merry band decided (perhaps wisely) that discretion might be the better part of valour, and that a good run was better than a bad stand. Accordingly, they invoked the spirit of Dunkirk and turned tail and legged it out of Grogeen as fast as they could and never stopped until they reached the safety of the Cricket Pavillion. There they counted the collection and found that it came to a miserly £3.27p. Ponsonby-Smythe ordered a drink for the house (on the house) and they sat down gloomily to consider their next move.

Missing Fangs Found!

19th Dec. The curious saga of our esteemed wicket-keeper, Sebastopol Bullstrode, and his missing molars, took an unexpected turn this morning when the young peasant girl from the neighbouring village made contact with the club to explain her part in the affair. It seems that, so taken aback was she when Sebastopol suddenly, and without the slightest provokation, produced his large incisors and thrust them unceremoniously into her unwilling hands, that she immediatley deposited the offending objects in her handbag and repaired to the Members Bar, where she quickly downed several large brandies to alleviate the shock. She then set out for home and, upon arrival, she carefully placed the set of false teeth to soak in a jam-jar by the kitchen sink, intending to return them to their rightful owner at the first opportunity. Unfortunately, her grandfather (who hadn`t a tooth in his head since 1927) arose early and, spying the shining ivories, grinning out mirthlessly at him from the jam-jar, he concluded that they were a Christmas Present from his grandaughter. He popped the dentures (upper and lower set) into his mouth, where they proved to be an exact and extremely snug fit. Soon, he was chomping away happily at the first bite of solid food that had passed his lips in over seventy years. He chewed everything and anything that was placed before him - and still begged for more. "He have us ate out of house and home - so he have!" complained the young peasant girl. "And he won`t take out the teeth - so he won`t!" Meanwhile, poor Sebastopol has been surviving on a diet of goodie and custard trifle as he awaits a replacement set of false teeth from Dublin. However, the story may yet have a happy ending, as Sebastopol and the young peasant girl would appear to have reached an accomodation and, indeed, are rumoured to be walking out together. We will have more, as matters unfold.

The Abbeyfeale Cricket Club Dinner Dance, which was held at The Haggard Pavillion on Friday night, was a most splendid affair. It was hosted by Club President, The Hon, Sir Percival Ponsonby-Smythe, and his good wife, The Lady Honoria Ponsonby-Smythe, and was attended by a veritable galaxy of V.I.P`s and distinguished guests.

Seated with Sir Percival and his Party at the top table were stars of stage, screen and radio as well as many well known names from the world of sport.

During the scrumptious seven-course meal, the gathering was entertained by guest soprano, Miz. Hortensia Ffyffe-Gould, who accompanied herself somewhat successfully on the saxaphone.

The Abbeyfeale String Quartet provided music for the after-dinner dancing and proved most proficient in The Rumba and The Old Time Waltz

A most successful evening was rounded off by polite and sustained applause for Sir Percival and his good lady as they made a graceful exit from the proceedings just before midnight.

Fogra; The night was unfortunately marred by one minor and somewhat unsavoury incident involving our wicket-keeper, Sebastopol Bullstrode, and a young peasant girl from one of the neighbouring villages. Sebastopol was introduced to the young girl by one of the local serving wenches and was deep in conversation with her when he became somewhat nauseas, having earlier devoured a sufficiency of baked clams, and he felt a sudden and overwhelming desire to visit the rest room. Showing great presence of mind, Sebastopol first removed his false teeth (upper and lower) and handed them to the young peasant girl for safe-keeping. You can imagine his dismay on returning, to find both the young girl and the false teeth had disappeared! If the young girl happens to read this, or if any one else has any knowledge of the whereabouts of our wicket-keeper`s dentures, would they please contact the club urgently. A small reward may be in order.

11th Dec.; Despite the best efforts of our excellent ground staff, Sunday`s game was again posponed due to the elements. The club is seriously considering the installation of a purpose built, all-weather pitch and the erection of an indoor arena. Representation has already been made to Bertie Aherne. The Taoiseach has privately assured us that, should plans for the National Stadium fall through, then he will listen sympathetically to our our proposals. In the minefield of Irish Politics, (where a browne envelope is your only man) a nod is always as good as a wink! So, expect an official announcement shortly.

Tickets for our Dinner Dance on next Friday 15th December are completely sold out! The demand has been unbelievable, with prices on the Black Market going as high as £200. Patrons are advised to beware of ticket touts and forged tickets. Numerous Guest Celebrities have been invited to attend and a full report of proceedings will be published here next week.

HISTORIC FIRST WIN!

27th Nov. History was made at The Bog Meadow in Brosna on Sunday when an Abbeyfeale Cricket Team took the field in competition for the first time and recorded a fine win over the local peasantry in a West Munster Seniors league match.

On a wet and spongy wicket with very little spin, Abbeyfeale won the toss and sent Brosna in to bat. Club Captain, Ponsonby-Smythe, opened the bowling for Abbeyfeale and, playing with three slips and a gully, his particularly ferocious bodlyline bowling tactics had the Brosna Batsmen ducking for cover. He dismissed the Brosna Opener for a duck, and his final tally of 4 for 17 was excellent in the prevailing conditions and included two maiden overs. At the other end, A.J.K. Higginsbottom was also in fine bowling form, collecting three wickets for the concession of just 21 runs. With the opening batsmen routed, and the middle order crumbling, Brosna were all out for a very miserly 57 before lunch.

Following a leisurely bowl of soup and some tasty ham sandwiches in the Brosna Clubhouse, Abbeyfeale went in to bat. Ponsonby-Smythe opened, and reached a very respectable tally of 10 before being controversially dismissed lbw by a Brosna pig farmer. As he headed slowly back to the pavillion, the Abbeyfeale opener stared long and pointedly at umpire, Dickie Bird, but the official was unrepentant, wagging a perempory finger (or two) at Ponsonby-Smythe and signalling him to vacate the field of play. Despite this setback, the run-rate continued unabated and Abbeyfeale reached the required target with the loss of just two more wickets. Mountcharles (10) lbw. and Hoggis-Figgs (6) caught at silly mid-on. It was left to the unbroken partnership of Sir Charles Rawlings (14) and Cedric Haines-Wallace (8) to seal a historic 8 wicket victory.

We have no game next weekend due to the Test Match in Lahore between The West Indies and Pakistan. A bus will leave The Square at 10 am sharp on Friday morning.

23rd Nov.; Good news for all cricket enthusiasts! It looks as if the posponed game against Brosna in the Bog Meadow is set to go ahead on Sunday. Groundsmen at the Kerry Club assure us that the pitch will be in tip-top condition. A team bus will leave The Square at 8.30 am, and three coach-loads of supporters will depart from Leen`s Hotel at 8.30 pm. Coach, match tickets, plus dinner in Mountcollins, will cost £35 per head. The Abbeyfeale Team will be announced on Sunday morning following a stringent fitness test to weed out potential troublemakers, and those suffering from a hang-over! (A full match report will be posted here)

18th Nov.The weather continues to play havoc with the fixture list, and prospects for cricket resuming at The Haggard within the next week are slim indeed. We have covered the wicket with a few `bearts` of rushes in an attempt to protect it from the elements. However, the outfield remains quite soggy, mainly because it is still covered with two foot of water. We have plans prepared to drain the pitch, and we will start as soon as we receive our entitlement from the National Lottery. We have also petitioned our local M.E.P. Gerard Collins, who is a noted cricket enthusiast and a former opening batsman for the West Limerick Cuman. Funds should start flowing in from Brussels shortly and we hope soon to be in a position to completely renovate the Members Bar and install the new jacuzzi as agreed at our last meeting. ;Fogra; Would anyone have the lone of a tractor?

Meanwhile, plans for our annual Supper Social are at an advanced stage. The social will go ahead at The Clubhouse on Friday 15th December starting at 6 pm, and continuing until closing time on Sunday 17th December. The cuisine will be prepared by Superbites Outside Catering and music will be provided by the Abbeyfeale String Quartet and their special guest soprano, Miz Hortensia Ffyffe-Gould, who will accompany herself on the saxaphone. Tickets now available from committee members at £75 each. Dress optional. Rakes of spot-prizes! (P.S. You can book your ticket here by e-mailing your credit card details to abbeyfeale1@eircom.net A £10 booking fee will apply.)

10th Nov; The weather is playing merry havoc with the cricket fixture list. However, players are spending some time practising at the nets. Unfortunately, they are spending an equal amount of time drinking at the bar! No game again this weekend. Weekly committe meetings will commence shortly and minutes will be published here, subject to clearance from our legal department. The club has also decided to organize a Tour this season and suggestions would be welcome.

29thOct. GAME OFF! Abbeyfeale`s game against Brosna at The Haggard on Sunday was abandoned after the first ball due to poor light, torrential rain, and monsoon winds. Following consultations between the umpires and the rival captains, it was decided to call the affair a draw. Teams and officials then withdrew to the clubhouse where a most convivial afternoon and evening was enjoyed by all.
FIXTURE; Next Sunday, Abbeyfeale have another home game when they play Drom Fhada in the first round of the winter league. Players are requested to arrive at the clubhouse in a sober state, no later then 10 am when captain, Ponsonby-Smythe, will deliver a very interesting team-talk on Einstein`s Theory of Relativity and it`s relevance within the modern game of cricket.

Welcome to the newly-formed Abbeyfeale Cricket Club. The club was officially launched at an Extraordinary General Meeting held at The Domain Grounds on Saturday 21st October, 2000.

The list of officers is as follows;

Chairman; The Hon. Sir Percival Ponsonby-Smythe.

Secretary; Lady Honoria Ponsonby-Smythe.

Treasurer; The Rev. Basil P Braithwaite.

P.R.O.; Roderick L Thorpe Q.C.

Capt. 1st X1; Percival Ponsonby-Smythe.

Munster Branch Rep.; Col. Reginald Alex Allbright.

A full fixture list has been drawn up and the first match will be at home to Brosna C.C. on Sunday next, 29th October. A match report will appear here later.

Anyone interested in playing cricket should contact the club captain or any committee member. Hurlers particularly welcome.

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