Snipp this!!!
WARNING...THIS FIC CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8...AND SPOILERS
FOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8.
PUT DOWN YOUR DRINK AND MOVE ALL FOODSTUFF'S AWAY FROM THE
KEYBOARD. IF YOU HAVE A SCREENGUARD OR KEYBOARD PROTECTOR PLEASE
ATTACH THEM NOW
THE AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE CAUSED BY EXCESSIVE
LAUGHTER. IF YOU GET HICCUPS...TOUGH. <G>
ENJOY
----------------------
"For the last time, I don't care how much money you offer
me, I'm *not* going back to work at County."
Doug slammed down the phone and rolled over in the bed.
"Who was that?" Carol asked sleepily.
"Who do you think," said Doug in annoyance. "When
will these people learn...I've left Chicago *and* County General
for good. There's no way in hell I'm setting foot in the place
again."
----------------------------
"Malucci," snapped Mark. "Why aren't you seeing
patients?"
Dave opened his mouth and said, "...."
Puzzled, Mark looked at Randi. "Why isn't Dave saying
anything?"
Randi didn't look up from her magazine as she answered, "Cause
he's already had his two line quota for this chapter...he *can't*
say anything."
"But I haven't heard him say anything at all."
"Yeah...we were overrunning, so his scenes got cut."
Mark nodded, then jumped in surprise. "Hey, where'd he
disappear to?"
"Must have run out of screen time as well."
---------------------------
"This is for you Doctor Carter," said Luka formally as
he handed him an envelope.
Carter looked at it suspiciously before opening it. He frowned as
he read the contents. "But this is a bill for the
replacement of your fish tank?"
"Yes Carter," said Luka patiently. "As you can
see, I have included the price of replacing the dead fish,
together with the clean up costs for my floor. I've also added in
the cost of little fishy oxygen tanks...in case of future
emergencies."
"But why are you giving it to me?" wailed Carter.
"Abby was the one who broke it."
Luka shrugged. "Well I knew that she would get you to pay it...so
I figured I'd save time by giving it to you directly."
---------------------
Kerry triumphantly flung open the door to exam one. "Malucci,
you're fired," she yelled at the scrub clad form who was
clearly in the middle of an 'intimate' examination of the woman
on the gurney.
"Kerry," said Peter, patiently, "Do you mind?"
"Yeah, why don't you knock next time," muttered Cleo,
as she hurriedly pulled her lab coat closed.
"Shit, I heard that Malucci was planning an assignation.
Sorry Peter, Cleo," said Kerry as she backed away hurriedly.
--------------------
"Yeah," said Doug, rolling over and pulling the covers
around him. "I don't care if they're offering me fifty
million dollars...I'm not going back..."
He yelped as Carol thumped him with her pillow, yelling, "You
turned down fifty million dollars? You moron, don't you know
we've got kids to feed?"
-------------------------
"You're a selfish cow, who doesn't care how many people she
hurts," yelled Luka in the hall at County.
"Look who's talking about hurting people," snapped back
Abby. "How many patients have you killed today *Doctor*
Kovac?"
"At least I had the nerve to finish med school. I didn't
chicken out halfway through."
"And I'm sure your patients are *most* grateful...or at
least their relatives are."
"Yeah, just like the mother of that baby that you *lost* was
so grateful to you. Oh, you remember when I told you it wasn't
your fault? Well I lied...it *so* was your fault."
"And it was your fault that mugger died...here's a tip Luka...you
only need to smash someone's head into the pavement once or twice
before they lose consciousness."
"That didn't seem to bother you when you came to my hotel
room. If anything, it seemed to make you more eager."
"Yeah? Well I was faking it...in fact I faked *all* my
orgasms."
Luka shrugged indifferently. "Big deal...so did I."
"Bastard!"
"Bitch!" Luka suddenly stopped and looked at Abby.
"My god...you're beautiful when you're angry."
"Oh Luka...so are you..."
"Abby!"
"Luka!"
As the rest of the ER watched in disgust, they flung their arms
around each other and started sucking face.
----------------------
"Malucci!" yelled Kerry as she flung open the door to
the supply room. "You're...you're not Malucci," she
said, to a very embarrassed looking Mark, who quickly pulled his
shirt back on.
"I should certainly hope not," snapped Elizabeth as she
hastily buttoned up her blouse. "Haven't you ever heard of
knocking?"
"Haven't you ever heard of locks?" snapped Kerry.
Slamming the door behind her, she hurried away. God, she was
going to need to wash her eyes out to get rid of the image of a
shirtless Mark. Think of Kerosene, think of Kerosene, she told
herself, shuddering.
---------------------------
"I don't believe this," moaned Malik.
"Believe it," said Dave, grinning. "Abby and Kovac
are back together, I told you it would happen...now pay up."
Grumbling, Malik rummaged in his pocket and handed Dave a twenty.
"Hey, don't worry," said Dave, grinning as he pocketed
the cash. "You'll soon have a chance to win it back...I hear
that Chuny's already got a pool going on when they'll break up
again."
---------------------------
Elizabeth walked up to Mark and gave him a quick peck on the
cheek.
"What was that for?" asked Mark. "I mean, not that
I'm complaining..."
"It's just my way of saying sorry for being such a bitch
earlier when you told me that Rachel was going to be staying with
us for a while. I overreacted...I'm sorry."
"It's okay honey," said Mark patronizingly. "But
you understand, I had to let her stay. I mean, she *is* family. I
couldn't just turn her down."
"I understand perfectly," said Elizabeth sweetly.
"And I know how important it is to keep up good relations
with our family's. That's why my mother's coming to stay for the
next few months."
Patting him gently on the arm, she walked away. A smile flickered
over her face as she heard Mark's scream.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
---------------------------
Kerry wearily threw open yet another door. Yet another couple
were making out...but yet again Malucci wasn't one of them.
"Um, hello Dr. Weaver," said Abby, trying to ignore the
fact that Luka's hand was somewhere under her scrub top. "Care
to get Carter and join us?"
"We're not in *that* fic," snapped Kerry, slamming the
door behind her.
---------------------------
Haleh was watching as Kerry opened another door. She smirked as
she heard Kerry's indignant yelp, "Mr. Whiskers!"
---------------------------
Dave's 'partner' looked around nervously. "I don't know,
Malucci," she said. "Doing it in the Chief of the ER's
office...that's gotta be kind of risky."
Dave shrugged as he rummaged through his pockets looking for a
condom. "Not really...hell, I don't think Weaver even knows
this place exists...nobody's ever seen her use it. Besides,
thanks to that rumor I had Malik spread, she's too busy running
round the ER looking for me."
"Oh...that's okay then," said Cein grabbing Dave and
sticking her tongue down his throat
---------------------------
Notes
Thanks to Doc Sharon for the first mention of 'little fishy
oxygen tanks'.
'*that* fic' is of course 'The Eternal Quadrangle' by Cathy and
Scotty. And no, I have no intention of ever writing *that*
Quadrangle...now a Carter/Dave/Luka/Cein quadrangle does have a
certain appeal ;-)
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