Title: 'If These Walls Could Talk'
Author: Anna Rousseau
<annadelamico@yahoo.co.uk>
Genre: Cast/Humour
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Yes, just tell me where
Summary: So, we get the heavy plots on the show, but what lighter
moments do
the ER gang experience?
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters would I be writing this
fic?
Spoilers: The Mark Season Seven Plot...if you've seen season 6
you're OK
Notes: Not in any order, just they way they came out of my head!
I haven't
seen season 7 yet, so sorry for any inaccuracies. This is an idea
I had in
my mind for a while but never got the chance to write.
Coincidently
(honestly), the idea is very similar to ElaineMc's (PS I couldn't
find your
addy) 'snippets' (and Cein's now), but no infringement is meant
and copying
is the sincerest form of flattery, and I'm sure this version is
far
inferior. Hey, enjoy...
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK"
===========================
[Admit, Dave is leaning on the counter watching Luka and Carter
discuss a
patient]
DAVE: Hey, if you two could go out with one of us, who would you
choose?
CARTER: [all in unison] Dunno.
DAVE: Me either.
LUKA: Carter.
DAVE: [blinks] Hey, why not me?
CARTER: You're just jealous, Dave.
DAVE: Am not! But seriously, Dr. Kovac, what as he got that I
don't?
LUKA: I guess Carter's less pushy.
CARTER: [triumphantly] So there.
LUKA: Anyway, this is a load of nonsense. Check on the kid in
two, Dave.
DAVE: [mutters as he walks over to Exam 2] My ass is way better
than his.
Kovac doesn't know what he's missing!
***
CHUNI: Nine
LYDIA: An eight, surely.
HALEH: Asolutely a ten.
RANDI: [looks up to see them staring at Luka] He can't score a
ten on the
Carter-Cuteness scale unless he's Carter, which he's not.
CHUNI: True. I think we really need a Luka Lushness scale.
***
[Mark & Carter are drinking coffee in the lounge, Dave enters]
CARTER & MARK: Whaaaaassssuuuuppppppp!!!!
DAVE: Whaaaaaassssuuuuuupppppp!!!!!
CARTER: Java? [pours Dave coffee]
MARK: True.
***
CARTER: Abby, shouldn't you be up in OB?
ABBY: Uh, why?
CARTER: Be-cause, is you haevn't already noticed, you aren't a
med-student
or an ER nurse.
ABBY: Well, you're the first to notice.
***
DAVE: Randi....I w-
RANDI: [holds hand up to silence him, she's teary-eyed]
DAVE: I didn't mean-
RANDI: Shh!
DAVE: I-
RANDI: Shh!
DAVE: Ran-
RANDI: Sh!
DAVE: I'm sorr-
RANDI: I'm not listening.
DAVE: Aww, come on. I said I was sorry - it was great, really...
RANDI: Dave you laughed!
DAVE: Randi, [sighs] it was NC-17 rated male slash Buffy/NYPD
Blue fanfic, I
had to.
RANDI: Piss off, you had your chance and you blew it. [mutters to
herself]
I'd like to see you write something that hot.
***
ELIZABETH: Pe-tah-
CARTER: No, Pe-ter.
ELIZABETH: [concentrates] Pete-rah....Pet-ar... Cartah, it's so
hard!
CARTER: No, not Car-tah, it's Cart-r.
ELIZABETH: Carr-trr [rolls the 'r' and chokes]...oh, bollocks!
***
MARK: Deb, will you-
JING-MEI: [Grabs IV pole and hits him on head] Don't call me Deb!!!
***
KERRY: [talking to the whole of the ER] ....and that is why I use
a crutch.
DAVE: [walks in and sees the assembled staff] Did I miss
something?
***
RANDI: Hmm, I wonder if Carter's single.
CHUNI: Forget it girl, your not his type.
RANDI: [offended] What'ya getting at?
CHUNI: Do you ever wear blonde wigs, get highlights?
RANDI: What?
CHUNI: He only dates blondes.
RANDI: [raises an eyebrow] Really.
***
[Dave runs behind a gurney Luka is pushing]
DAVE: Aggghhh! [he slips on the floor] Randi, call maintenance
and get this
clean- [his eyes travel to the gel dripping off Luka's hair onto
the floor].
DAVE: Hair stylist, to Trauma Two...code red.
***
ABBY: [walks into Trauma 2, Carter's back is turned to her] Just
came for a
chart.
CARTER: [tries to hide the Chupa-Chup in his mouth] Just cleaning
up
[talking around the candy]
ABBY: [raises her eyebrow] Yeah right, you just can't keep off
the glucose,
can you....DR GREENE!!!
***
[As they lay dying on the floor of Curtain Three]
CARTER: Lucy?
LUCY: [strained] Piss...off....bas...tarrd
CARTER: [falling unconcious] I hope...you bleed...out!
***
[Waiting in surgery after stabbing]
PETER: Hey man, don't worry, I'll get you through this. OK?
CARTER: [drugged up] I want another doctor!
***
ABBY: [at admit] When I was in OB...
EVERYONE, STAFF & PATIENTS: Shut up!!!
ABBY: [offended] You don't have to be so nasty, it wasn't like
that in OB.
DAVE: [angry] OK, where's the LP kit?
KERRY: [quickly] Here, I have one in my pocket.
***
DAVE: Hey, Deb-
JING-MEI: [Grabs TV off the wall and beats Dave to death with it]
Don't...
call... me....DEB!!!
***
KERRY: So what are we gonna do for Independance Day?
MARK: Barbeque?
LUKA: Noooooo!!!! CAROL!!!!
MARK & KERRY: [eyes wide as they watch Luka sob, Kerry hands
him a T-Sheet]
Here...
LUKA: Thanks [blows his nose].
MARK: Fondue
KERRY: [quickly] Yeah.
***
KERRY: Has anyone seen Carol?
MARK: She went to Seattle with Doug and their kids, in May.
KERRY: And you were going to tell me this, when?
MARK: I guess I forgot.
KERRY: And you let me think she was still in Chicago for six
months- what,
have you got a brain tumour or something?
MARK: [silent]
KERRY: Oh....sorry, I uh.....damn.
***
CHUNI: [runs over to admit] Hey, you lots have got to see this,
Dr. Finch is
smiling!
DAVE: Oh yeah, right! Let me just check on my flying pig in Exam
Two...you
did put restraints on him, right Haleh?
HALEH: [nods, rolls her eyes at Chuni] Um-huh!
CHUNI: [disbelieving] It's true! Honest to God!
***
ELIZABETH: Far-thah.
CARTER: Far-ther.
ELIZABETH:.....faar...[strains] tharrr...
CARTER: I don't think this is working...
***
CHUNI: It's eleven thirty.
CONNI: [whispers to the women at admit]: Eleven thirty.
RANDI: [licks her lips] Eleven-thirty!
[they look up and lean on the admit desk dreamily watching Luka,
Dave and
Carter drink coffee in their scrub tops]
***
[In Seattle, in Doug's back yard]
[Doug and Carol break out of that kiss]
CAROL: Where the HELL have you been!
DOUG: Huh?
CAROL: I was there, working all the hardest shifts, bringing up
twins...and
you've been playing with a damn boat!
DOUG: I- uh...
CAROL: Forget it, I'm moving back with Tag.
DOUG: Not him again!
[Carol pushes him into the water]
***
[In the lounge, we see only their heads]
DAVE: [whines] No way!
CHUNI: It's not gonna kill you...
DAVE: It might! Forget it, I'll wear the normal one.
CHUNI: It's covered in vomit.
[camera pans out, Dave is in a nurses scrub top]
DAVE: [moans] But it's pink, Chuni!
***
[In Exam 6, Lucy is cleaning up Carter's head from the Tae-Bo
kick]
CARTER: Ow!
LUCY: Baby!
CARTER: I'm a doctor, you're a med student, we shouldn't be doing
this.
LUCY: [repulsed] What did you think I was going to do, kiss you
passionately
on the floor and nearly destroy my reputation?
CARTER: Uh-
LUCY: Puh-lease [runs out of room] SECURITY!!!
***
DAVE: Randi?
RANDI: [reading a print-out] What?
DAVE: Well, what do you think?
RANDI: [laughs] Well...
DAVE: You laughed...
RANDI: It's NC-17 female slash Chicago Hope fanfic...that *you*
wrote...I
had to.
DAVE: Hey, try writing something that hot.
RANDI: [scans over it] And I suppose these two doctors, just
happened to get
stuck in supply cupboard with a pair of handcuffs...
DAVE: Well...
RANDI: And they're both wearing sexy leather and lace lingerie in
the middle
of a 12 hour shift?
DAVE: Hey, it's my fic, maybe they do!
RANDI: Maybe...but one person I know around here really does.
DAVE: Who?
RANDI: [leans foward and whispers in his ear] Me.
DAVE: [raises his eyebrow and eyes her] Suture room, ten minutes.
RANDI: Bring the fic, I'll bring mine...[she eyes him slowly]
we'll
collaborate.
DAVE: [jaw drops]
[Randi walks past Chuni, neither look up]
CHUNI: Got him?
RANDI: [laughs] Got him!
***
DAVE: [IntuboCam in hand] Ladies and Gentlemen, Dave Malucci MD
presents....
[drumrolls on the wall] ....'ER - Inside the Women's Room'
[Dave places IntuboCam in the corner and flees the room]
[stall opens, Weaver walks out and bend over the camera]
KERRY: Dr. Malucci, Kerry Weaver MD presents to you the term
'fired'.
***
KERRY: Mark?
MARK: [absorbed in 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets] Tee-hee-hee!
KERRY: Mark!
MARK: [annoyed] What now, Kerry...it's getting interesting,
they've just had
their first lesson with the new Defense Against the Dark Arts
teacher.
KERRY: If you don't put that book down now, you're gonna nedd
Defense
Against the Dark Arts because I'll turn into a four-headded
monster from the
blue-lagoon.
MARK: There aren't any of those in Harry Potter.
TIM THE DESK CLERK: [looks up from 'Harry Potter and The Goblet
of Fire] I
think she meant a Dementor.
MARK: Oh.
***