The world of the Interactive_Bot

When Larry was a teenager he was constantly picked on by some of his classmates. Larry was a good kid, but somehow became the butt of jokes and the victim of group beatings. When he was alone with one of his tormentors, most would treat him like a friend. They didn't really dislike him, they just went along with the group.Why didn't any of those "friends" stand up for him? They did feel sorry for what they did, and they told him so, but then they'd join right back in the group mentality and behavior again when it wasn't a one-on-one situation. As an excuse for their abuse, some of the boys revealed that they didn't want to be seen as weak in front of the others by feeling sorry for him. They wanted to fit in.

One of great tragedies in a young man's life is that somehow the abililty to show emotion and be compassionate is seen as a sign of weakness. Big boys don't cry, right? Men often start hearing that line when we're barely out of diapers.

The reason men can seem so unfeeling and uncaring is because so many become detached from their emotions that they actually don't feel the normal range of emotions. They are taught that emotions aren't a good thing, and that they should suppress them. As men age, they take their emotional cues from other males who are not trying to be emotional trendsetters, but are merely acting out the role they've been taught to play. There are few emotional warriors among men, those willing and able to be themselves without fear. We learn to wall off emotions like they're an unwanted monster. We lock them away in some deep, dark place and we are taught not to open the door to them lest we appear weak and unmanly.

By the time we're old enough to know better, this behavior pattern is ingrained into our lives, and it's hard to tame those monsters we've kept locked away for so long. We peek in on them once in a while accidentally, but only for a moment because they make us feel vulnerable and uncertain, and that's not manly either.

Oh, we'll vent our anger all right, that's a "tough guy" emotion, so it's okay - or so it's mistakenly believed. Angry outbursts are actually an inability or unwillingness to control our emotions - an irony lost on men who strive to maintain an image of always being in control. We'll show our sorrow at certain times too, like when when someone close to us dies. It's safe and acceptible then to show emotion, because it's the expected reaction. But few men come out from behind their mask of stoicism voluntarily. We just weren't raised that way. We had to learn to be tough, brave, and strong - and we carry on that tradition proudly as we grow older. We don't realize that it's just old emotional baggage we carry around that makes us think that way. Isn't it ironic that while men are busy being tough, brave, and strong...they often haven't the courage to really let go and live and love!

I'm convinced that women, on the whole, are the ones that love deepest and live deepest. They risk being hurt in ways that men rarely do. Men would rather risk physical pain than emotional pain. Women have an emotional courage that few men can match. It's the exceptional man that is brave enough to experience his emotional core without an army of defenses ready to smack down any threats to his facade of strength. In time though, life has a way of breaking down the emotional barriers men construct in their early years, but sadly, they miss a lot of living in the meantime. Emotions are a part of our real nature. If we're not experiencing our natural emotions, if we're hiding from our feelings and instincts, we are missing out on a part of own being - we are hiding from our own soul.

Why wait until we're old and life has worn us down to start living fully? There is no reason to hide from ourselves. As a man who has torn down many of the facades I'd built up during my youth, I've made what I consider a brilliant observation. You do not block out only the emotional lows when you live behind a wall of emotional defenses - you also block out the highs. All emotions come to us from the same source - our soul - so if we restrict the flow of one emotion, we restrict the flow of all. Those unwilling to risk emotional pain will never experience the great emotional highs either. We must remove the emotional defensive barriers to live deeply and bring forth the best there is inside of us.

Being "in tune" emotionally doesn't mean we have to go around crying about everything. It isn't about being out of control - it's about gaining control and finding our instinctual wisdom - instead of hiding from our natural internal influences. You do not have control when you're in hiding. We can still be strong and tough when we need to be. We just need to get over this stupid notion that a man who can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, and caring - is an emotionally weak man. Just the opposite is true.

It takes inner strength and courage to allow the natural emotions and instincts to manifest, especially in front of others. The teens who were trying to be so tough and not show weakness were, in reality, exactly what they didn't want to be. They were too weak to stand up for what they knew was right. They were too weak NOT to join in on the abuse of Larry. That's all they had to do was NOT go along with the group, NOT to encourage the abusive behavior, but they were too weak face their own emotions and inner truth. That's cowardice, not toughness. It can be forgiven in teens that lack the reasoning skills of an adult, but adults should try to overcome this weakness in order to live - and love - deeply.

Toughness isn't measured by how well we can hide from our emotions or how well we hide our emotions from others. The real measure of inner strength for man or woman is how courageously we face our most powerful source of fear - our own self