110 Reasons why its great to be Male
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Film nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about cars, guns and tanks.
4. A seven-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Saturday and Wednesday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your toilet queue lines are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you hassle if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All orgasms are real - always!.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in nylon masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
18. You can go to the toilet without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humour in "Terms of Endearment".
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is €10 for a three pack.
33. Cheerleading Championships
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be pope.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You don’t have to worry about getting wet when you wear a white shirt.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your flat if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with you friend for hours without even thinking (he must be mad at me)
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too dirty.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress €1,500; Suit rental €50, need to say more?
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a bucket.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. There is always a game on somewhere.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag parties whoop ass over hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the toilet.
85. If you don't call your friend when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalise any behaviour with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.
89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of kicking a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
100. You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
101. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
102. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
103. You can kill your own food.
104. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
105. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
106. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
107. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
108. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
109. You don't have to clean your flat if the ESB man is dropping in.
110. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
BECAUSE I'M MALE...
Because I'm MALE, I must hold the TV remote control while I watch telly. If it's gone missing, I'll miss a whole programme looking for it.
Because I'm MALE, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call the AA until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another bloke shows up, one of us will say to the other: "You know, I used to be able to fix these things, but now what with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
Because I'm MALE, when I get a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. This is MALE thing, not a girly thing.
Because I'm MALE, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the shops, e.g. milk and a sliced pan. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cummin" or "Tofu".
Because I'm MALE, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask a complete stranger.
Because I'm MALE, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you've turned on the waterworks at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm MALE, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. And either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without, it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. No, it doesn't make your bottom look big. Can we just go now?