When you get to know me, youíll find out what effect chocolate can have. Iíll do anything- well nearly anything for some smooth, creamy chocolate.


  1.  You can GET chocolate.
  2.  "If you love me you'll swallow that"; has real meaning with chocolate.
  3.  Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
  4.  You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
  5.  You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
  6.  If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
  7.  Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
  8.  The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
  9. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
  10. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
  11. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
  12. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
  13. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
  14. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
  15. Good chocolate is easy to find.
  16. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
  17. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
  18. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.
  19. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
  20. A chocolate never forgets to tell you they liked you better with long hair.
  21. A chocolate never snaps your bra or pinches your bum.
  22. Chocolate can stay hard for a week, and satisfies even when it has gone soft.
  23. You can safely have chocolate while driving.
  24. You can have chocolate on your desk without upsetting your workmates.
  25. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
  26. It's easy to find 9 inches of chocolate.
  27. Chocolate doesn't make you preggers.
  28. You don't have to wait until half-time to talk to your chocolate.
  29. You won't find out later that your chocolate is married.
  30.  You won't find out later that your chocolate is on penicillin.


  1. If you don't get any chocolate in the next 3 minutes, you'll still be alive.
  2. Chocolate won't mess up your hair do.
  3. Chocolate won't lift your skirt up either.
  4. It's perfectly OK to be full of hot chocolate.


  1. You can afford chocolate.
  2. You don't need a reservation.
  3. No packing.
  4. No sunburn.
  5. You shouldn't lose your traveller's cheques while eating chocolate.

One of the life's mysteries is how a one-kilo box of chocolates can make a woman gain three kilos.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but this can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.


  1. There are loads of action replays. 

  2. Your mum and dad actually cheer when you score. 

  3. It's legal to play professionally. 

  4. You can always sit out your contract then play with someone else. 

  5. You can count on it every Saturday (and just about every other day of the week if you have Sky Sport).

  6. Size doesn't matter (just ask Dennis Wise).

  7. Ireland are crap at it, but at least you can blame the manager rather than the partipants. 

  8. You can watch it going on in your local pub. 

  9. You can juggle your balls in front of your auntie. 

  10. Your manager actually encourages you to practise by yourself. 

  11. It lasts at least 90 minutes, and sometimes goes into extra time. 

  12. We were going to mention dribbling skills but then again maybe we shouldn't. 

  13. If you're a bloke, it's perfectly OK to want to have George Best's baby. 

  14. You have a coach on the sidelines while you're doing it.

  15. Women love England's footballers because they can be on top for 80 minutes and still come second.

  16. You can score using your head or your feet.

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Copyright © 1999 N. O'Byrne