Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.

What's a man idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Now do men define a "50-50" relationship?
We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

How do men exercise at the beach
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.

How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least women will ask for the directions.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a tot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why are husbands like Lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time .

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

Now many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything!

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour. of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.

Now do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know -- it's never happened.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
They won't stop and ask for directions.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds eventually will mature.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all have boyfriends already.