During late 1979 I was constantly being approached by a friend at my place of work to go on an encounter weekend but I was having none of it. My weekends at that time were completely full of having a good time with my friends and I was not about to give all that up to go on what to me was a religious weekend with a bunch of strangers.

This persistent person however simply would not go away so I decided to bring this to an end with a challenge. I demanded that if he thought that this weekend was so good then he could pay all my expenses including travel or else drop the entire subject altogether and leave me alone. This seemed to work until he came to me once again with a letter promising to pay all expenses incurred if I did not enjoy the weekend. The letter was signed by himself and his wife. I was trapped, there was no way out without losing face.

The time eventually came for my religious adventure so l concealed it as best as I could from my friends and family and headed off to my mysterious destination. l was one of about fifty people who were there and we were divided into groups of 10 or 12. There was a priest and a nun present which 1 found a little stifling but 1 decided to give it my best effort that I could muster as I  was stuck there for three whole days.

We spoke about our personal relationships both with friends and family and shared our problems and concerns and eventually I took the opportunity to speak about my terrible hate relationship with my father and the problems it was causing. As I began to share these things my problem somehow became the entire focus of the group with me justifying my hatred of my father and everyone else trying to help me to soften my heart. I was fully convinced that the problem lay with my father as he was the scourge of my family and every family member was given a very hard time by him. As far as 1 was concerned l was just the first one to stand up to him and refuse to run away. At this time l was l was 29 years of age and still living with my mum and dad along with my brother, and the rest of the family of seven children in all, had left and gotten marred.       

Although I had never actually hit my father I had nothing in my heart toward him but absolute hatred and contempt and on many occasions I had to defend myself from his physical attacks. I went so far as to be heard say that someday I would kill him. The people listening to me on the encounter weekend were very nice but none could shift me from my entrenched position, regardless of how hard they tried. There was however another work going on that none of us had anticipated. 

During the weekend we would occasionally cease our discussions and read portions of Scripture for a while which I found very interesting as I had never read the Bible and everything which I had heard through religion had seemed so meaningless and pointless as to be irrelevant. There were times also when we were asked to withdraw to our rooms to pray for a while. Strangely enough I found myself doing this although I did not know how to pray or what to pray for, so I would just sit there in silence. Why I was doing this I had no idea as it was something I had never done before or even came close to.  

Late on the second day of the weekend we were reading scripture together from the Gospel of  Matthew with a view to discussing it afterwards when something extraordinary happened. I came to the part where it says “first of all take the beam from your own eye and then you will see better to take the splinter from everyone else's” and I was unable to get past this particular verse. Somehow everything stopped and 1 knew that this verse was speaking to me and more that that it seemed as if this verse had been written down for me alone. I was very familiar with this saying and I had heard it many times and even on the odd occasion when I went to mass but yet it was as if l had never heard it before.  

I somehow knew that I was guilty before God and that all of my self justification was falling like sand through my fingers. l began to see that I was not loving my father and that I was wrong for rejecting him and holding his faults against him. I had never seen before all the hurt that I had caused him but now it was right before my eyes and could not be denied. He was my father and had looked after me all my life and I was wrong for witholding my affection. I accepted what the Scripture was saying to me and immediately my heart was flooded with love and joy. It was an amazing experience and a complete turn around from my previous position. I immediately expressed my change of heart to those around me and they also expressed their astonishment at the change. I said that I would ask my father to forgive me for all the years of hatred and rejection but I was advised not to do that as it could be too much too soon.  

I decided to write him a letter instead and to get my mother to read it to him as he was unable to read at the time. l was at work the following Monday and left the letter with my Mum. 1 had a great assurance in my heart that everything was going to work out just as l was expecting in spite of a friend there who was warning me that life can be very cruel sometimes and not to expect too much. I arrived home about 5 p.m. and found my Mum and Dad silting by the fire. I stood there for a moment and then said "well"      

My father got up immediately and came to me in the centre of the sitting room and threw his arms around me with tears streaming down his cheeks. My mum also was crying and I expressed my joy in saying that it was great to be home. In the weeks and months that followed tremendous changes for the better took place in my life I began reading a new testament which l had borrowed and soon discovered what had really happened on that weekend.

I now see that it was the Lord Jesus who spoke to me at that time and convicted me of the wrong way in which I was going. It was the love of God that flooded my heart and He forgave me all my sins and so I began a relationship with the living God which l still enjoy today.

Noel Tuite 2002