VERONICA MARS - SEASON ONE QUOTES

Nancy Drew in "The Sweet Hereafter".
        - John Rogers, screenwriter, describing Veronica at his "Kung Fu Monkey" blog

An amateur sleuth who is closer in spirit to Philip Marlowe than to Nancy Drew... It may not be Raymond Chandler, but "Veronica Mars" is nevertheless quite hard-boiled.
        - Alessandra Stanley, "New York Times"

Veronica is an affecting amalgam of Holden Caulfield, Philip Marlowe, and Miss Marple.
        - John Leonard, reviewing "Veronica Mars", "New York Metro"

Veronica Mars is a sharp teen noir in the making. Tinged with class resentment and nostalgia for Veronica's lost innocence, this series pulses with promise.
        - from "The Village Voice"

"This is, hands-down, the best show on television right now, and proof that TV can be far better than cinema."
        - Kevin Smith, Film Director

"Best. Show. Ever. Seriously, I've never gotten more wrapped up in a show I wasn't making, and maybe even more than those... These guys know what they're doing on a level that intimidates me."
        - Joss Whedon, creator of 'Buffy'

So what is it about noir that makes it mesh so well with adolescence? Just as Buffy the Vampire Slayer reinvigorated the teen television show by using vampires, werewolves and demons as metaphors for the traumas of adolescence, so the use of noir in a high-school setting illustrates the closed nature of schools, in which you're either in or out. Both Brick and Veronica Mars play on this: Brendan eats his lunch alone around the back of the school, deliberately apart from the crowd; Veronica is frequently shown eating by herself as the action whirls around her. 'I wanted to create a character who was so far down that her outlook was: "There's nothing anyone can do to me now. I've been through it all,"' Thomas says. 'I wanted a teenage girl who no longer got embarrassed or worried about what others said about her, or fretted over what she was going to wear.' This follows the noir tradition in which the hero is always an outsider who finds it difficult to trust anyone for fear of being betrayed. Philip Marlowe might yearn for love but he never finds it; he remains a loner at heart.
        - Sarah Hughes, "The Observer"

[#1 Pilot]

This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune, California, a town without a middle class. If you’re in the second group, you get a job; fast food, movie theatres, mini-marts. Or you could be me. My after-school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims.
        - Veronica's opening voiceover

"Girl, you should hear what people say about you."
        - Wallace to Veronica

"Tonight, we eat — like the lower middle class to which we aspire."
        - Keith, celebrating a win

"Well if it isn’t Smokey the Barely Legal."
        - Fireman Phil to Veronica

[#2 Credit Where Credit's Due]

"I need you to copy all of Weevil’s attendance records from this past month and get them to me."
"Do I look like James Bond to you?"
"Am I asking you to retrieve a nuclear warhead? No. Just copy the attendance records."
        - Veronica and Wallace

"Flat?"
"Just as God made me."
        - Troy, offering to help Veronica with her tyre

They gave me a choice. I could stand by my dad, or stand by Duncan and my dead best friend’s family. I chose Dad. It’s a decision I live with every day.
        - Veronica, thinking about her exile from the cool clique

"Haven’t you heard? I’m not allowed in the first class cabin."
"Look. I don’t believe in much but I do believe in this. When sexy, sassy girls can’t come to a shindig of mine, it’s time for all parties involved to stand up and just admit that, hey, maybe I was a little bit wrong or sorry."
        - Troy, inviting Veronica to a party

"I guess this is what they call inevitable, huh? Hey look, you even got home court advantage."
        - Logan, preparing for a showdown with Weevil

[#3 Meet John Smith]

The weird thing about going to high school with your ex is they’re inescapable. Everywhere you turn, there they are.
        - Veronica, thinking about Duncan

"You know, Dad, I’m Old School. An eye for an eye."
"I think that’s actually Old Testament."
        - Veronica and Keith

"Helping a kid at school locate his deadbeat dad, the somewhat inconveniently named John Smith."
        - Veronica, describing her latest case

"What are you doing?"
"It is now booty call enabled."
        - Veronica, catching Troy putting his number into her phone

Brain? Check. Dead sexy? Check. Devilish charm? Check. Formidable Scrabble opponent? Who cares?
        - Veronica, thinking about things with Troy

"Ninety miles."
"What’s ninety miles?"
"It’s the distance your dad travels every week to see you for a few seconds."
        - Veronica and Justin

[#4 The Wrath of Con]

"Why do you insist on suppressing your hotness? The world is ready for you Veronica Mars. You don't have to blend in."
        - Lilly, picking a dress for Veronica

"Hey, I'm only young once. How many braless years do I have left?"
        - Lilly, insisting on a revealing dress

This should make me happy. The big dance being a staple of every high school girl's fantasy. I've already lived the dream. Everything else seems like a cheap reminder.
        - Veronica, thinking about Homecoming

"Okay, it's my turn? Logan."
"Truth."
"What did you think of Veronica the first time you saw her."
"...I don't know, I thought she was hot."
"I was 12 when you moved here!"
"Oh, and, like you weren't working it in your shorts and your kneesocks."
"That was my [punching him in the shoulder] soccer uniform!"
"So, whatever! It totally worked!"
        - Lilly, Logan and Veronica play 'truth or dare' (flashback)

"I've never taken matters into my own hand in the boys' locker room after watching the cheerleader tryouts."
        - Logan, getting one over Duncan at 'I never' (flashback)

"What part of my ignoring you makes you think you're welcome?"
        - Logan to Veronica

[#5 You Think You Know Somebody]

"Wanna go ahead and hand over your contraband? ...It works sometimes. Pop the trunk."
        - The guys meet a customs officer who likes to bluff

"Dude, where's your car?"
        - Veronica, resucing a stranded Troy

"I think this is even beyond your super powers."
"Haven't you heard? I've got friends in low places."
        - Troy and Veronica, looking for that car

"Next time, could you shoot for an actual teacher? Because this has no potential benefit to my grade point average."
        - Veronica, teasing Keith about dating a counsellor

"What was on the menu for this night of grand debauchery?"
"Let's see. From, uh, eight to nine, we brainstormed on how to overthrow Kim Jong Il. From nine to ten, we deleted the records of the black voters of Florida. After that it was, uh, yeah it was all donkey shows."
        - Veronica, asking Troy about Tijuana

People rarely cut all their ties, even when they try. If she's out there and these untraceable, disposable cell phones I'm sending to Mom's closest friends and family reach her, maybe she'll realise it's safe for her to call me. It's my version of a message in a bottle.
        - Veronica, thinking about her Mom

"I'll be nice to your boyfriend if you be nice to my girlfriend."
        - Keith to Veronica

"Sometimes the lies we let ourselves believe are for our own good."
        - Ms Dent

"Keith, just pull the band-aid off. The furrowed brow and the-the pauses are killing me."
        - Rebecca, preparing for some bad news from Keith

"You got busted for drug possession and trafficking! You never told me about it!"
"Maybe I would've. You ever think of that? Maybe after I'd known you for more than a month, I'd tell you my deep dark secrets. Or is that too much of a character flaw? Waiting for the girl to like you before you tell her the things you're not so proud of? I don't have to tell you that. You're Veronica Mars. You know everything."
        - Veronica and Troy

Sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye, just wanted to wish you good luck at your new school and leave you something to remember me by... In case you're wondering, the former contents of the package are somewhere between my toilet and the Pacific Ocean. Say hi to Shauna for me. She sounds like a keeper.
        - Veronica's parting message for Troy

[#6 Return of the Kane]

"It's dessert for dinner tonight."
        - Veronica, eating well

"Look, I just don't have time to be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in your life."
        - Logan to Veronica

"Don't stop there, Veronica. Say it. What's my usual way?"
"You stand idly by."
        - Duncan and Veronica

On the one hand, we have the hot cold ex-boyfriend and heir to the status quo. On the other, the potentially duplicitous new friend and champion to the disenfranchised.
        - Veronica, thinking about which way to vote

"I used to think that solving the case was the key to our happiness. Solve the case and my reputation is restored. Solve the case and your mom comes home. Solve the case and you go back to being a normal teenage girl... What I believe in now is that we make the most out of what we have here and now. I believe in going to the zoo with the person I love the most."
        - Veronica to Keith

[#7 The Girl Next Door]

"If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?"
"If you *was* gonna."
        - Weevil and Logan, at it again

"If I donate to the United Latino Pain-in-the-Ass fund, will you shut the hell up?"
        - Logan to Weevil

"You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?"
"Please say 'high school English teacher'."
        - Mr. Daniels and Logan

"It sounded like a falling body. It really freaked me out."
"Would you describe the sound as Hitchcockian?"
        - Veronica, discussing the noises upstairs with Keith

"You realize you're paranoid."
"I do. Everyone reminds me. But it doesn't mean I'm not right."
        - Nathan and Veronica

"Think I've got a future in the biz?"
"I think you've got a future as a highly-paid, Ivy-League educated executive of some sort who never thinks about private investigation again in her perfect life. Now. Let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
        - Keith and Veronica

[#8 Like A Virgin]

"Somebody describe second base to me. Tell me what it's like. Is it beautiful there?"
        - Cole, to the rest of the guys

"Wow, you are 30% danger-lovin', girl-touchin' rock star."
        - Veronica, teasing Wallace about his 'purity test'

"I never thought I'd say this. But I kinda can't wait for school tomorrow."
        - Veronica, waiting for the purity test results

"Meg, you're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning."
       - Veronica to Meg

"I need to change the password on my email account. Someone managed to figure out the old one."
"That's why your password should always include numbers as well as letters. Everyone thinks its fun to use the name of your dog or boyfriend, but that actually makes it easy to crack."
"My old password was GJ7B!X."
        - Veronica and Rene from IT

"Stop talking about my sister, Cole."
"You don't even like her."
"Maybe not, but I love her."
        - Lizzie and Cole

"Am I naked? Because in my nightmares, I'm usually naked."
        - Veronica, finding out someone's hacked her email account

There's something seedy about being the interruptus in someone else's coitus.
        - Veronica, about to catch a couple unawares

"You dumb wanna-be freak show."
        - Pam to Kimmy

"I know how the law works. Slowly."
        - Keith

"I know who you are Veronica Mars."
        - Abel Koontz, seeing straight through Veronica's persona

[#9 Drinking the Kool Aid]

Do not roll your eyes, Veronica. You're undercover.
        - Veronica, trying not to laugh at the Cultists

"I'm so ashamed of myself…for my meltdown last night. I was a rampaging jackass."
"Have you forgotten who you're talking to? I'm Casey Gant, okay? I wrote the jackass Bible, the jackass Koran, the jackass Talmud."
        - Veronica and Casey

[#10 An Echolls Family Christmas]

"It's the new me. I am projecting a ghetto aesthetic. Word."
        - Sean, very much an 09er

"This is the worst game of strip poker ever."
        - Sean, not happy with Weevil's security check

"See, there you go with that head-tilt thing. You know, you think you're all badass but whenever you need something it's all, 'hey'."
"Just be glad I don't flip my hair. I'd own you."
        - Weevil and Veronica

"This is why I suggested attack dogs. But no, my mother wanted an alpaca."
        - Logan, after Veronica visits him at home

"Look at you, all helpful."
"Hey, your peskiness being unleashed on Connor brings me joy. Annoy, tiny blonde one. Annoy like the wind!"
        - Logan and Veronica

"Mmm. Iced tea... Duncan can't remember the alphabet when he drinks let alone figure out 20% of the pizza bill. No, he didn't play drunk to steal your money, he played drunk to win your money. To no avail it seems."
        - Veronica, swigging Iced Tea from Duncan's whiskey bottle

"The background check I ran on you proves that you've got a bit of a shoplifting problem. You are really bad at it."
        - Veronica to Sean

[#11 Silence of the Lamb]

"I hear you do detective stuff for people."
"I do favours for friends."
"I can pay."
"Sit down, friend."
        - A student 'befriends' Veronica

"You should have consulted me first."
"What did you want me to do, consult you in pig-latin? He was standing right there!"
        - Sheriff Lamb and Keith, after questioning a suspect

"Wanna crash a party with me? It's my chance to see how the other half lives, especially since I should have been the other half."
        - Mac

Two words for you, Clarence Wiedman: game on.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

[#12 Clash of the Tritons]

"I don't want to talk away my grief. I want to turn it into something else. Fuel. I know how I'm gonna feel better and it's not by talking about how sad I am."
        - Veronica, to Counsellor James

"La femme Veronica. I heard it took three officers and a stun gun to haul your butt outta school."
"You must be the only student who didn't see my walk of shame in person."
        - Wallace and Veronica

"I need to ask another favour."
"This mission better involve me seducing the head cheerleader."
        - Veronica and Wallace

"She was someone I could have loved, you know? And she felt it too, I know she did."
        - Weevil, remembering Lilly

"You're not being suspended. The Vice Principal wants all three of us back here on Friday for a disciplinary conference."
        - Aaron to Logan

"Hi, Dad. Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial."
"You know the odd thing? Those were also her very first words."
        - Veronica, discussing her arrest with Keith

Rick: "Big deal, this money's mine. It doesn't prove anything."
Veronica: "Why don't you take a closer look at the one on top. Read what's written over Grant's head."
Lamb: (reading): "Veronica Mars is smarter than me."
        - after Rick falls for Veronica's trap

[#13 Lord of the Bling]

"Shouldn't you be doing your homework instead of nagging me?"
"Next time, remember: lift drunk, combative bail jumpers with your legs, not your back."
        - Keith and Veronica, after he injures his back

"We used to be friends...a long time ago."
        - Veronica, using the theme song to describe her relationship with Yolanda

"He's the scariest guy alive who's also launching a line of casual wear."
        - Keith, on his client, a rap producer

"She hated all this, she hated him. They didn't find a body because she's not dead. She just escaped."
        - Logan

"How's your sorority speak?"
"Like awesome! Why?"
        - Keith, asking a favour of Veronica

"How'd you guys find me?"
"Whoever did this was either really dumb or really smart... You're really smart."
        - Bryce and Veronica

"Logan, what are you doing here?"
"I want you to find my mother."
        - Veronica and Logan

[#14 Mars v Mars]

"Scholars! Thinkers! Learned charges. You asked for it. You got it. World history review, roundup and death match... Round one! Let's take a look at the board! The question is what are five leading causes of the fall of the Roman Empire?"
        - Mr. Rooks, inspiring his students

"Young teacher, the subject of schoolgirl fantasy,
She wants him so badly knows what she wants to be.
Temptation, frustration, so bad it makes him cry.
Her bus stop, she's waiting, his car is warm and dry.
Don't stand so, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me."
        - The cheerleaders taunt Carrie with "Don't Stand So Close To Me"

"I have done everything I could to get to the truth... including using you. And I'm really sorry about that. But I, I used you, then fell for you, not the other way around."
        - Veronica to Leo

"Honey, you don't have to get all blue in the face."
"You're patronising me?"
"To be fair, I am your patron."
        - Keith and Veronica, after Keith sets a trap for her

"Why were you fired from your last job?"
"Wow. Maybe I should give more credence to the teacher's lounge gossip. Colleagues said you were... unique. Gifted. Unsettling?"
        - Veronica and Mr. Rooks

True pirates share their booty.
        - Veronica sends a risque text message to prove a point

[#15 Ruskie Business]

"Don't be stingy with the glitter. Remember. It's an eighties dance."
        - Duncan, organising the dance

When I've had my fill of soul mates, glitter and puppy love, I always find a private detective's office a refreshing change of pace... Nothing soothes the nausea, headache and occasional dizziness of a romance overdose like a glimpse of the aftermath. The custody battles, the affairs...
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"You're on the basketball team, right?"
"You obviously haven't seen us play. I am the basketball team."
        - Veronica and Wallace

"What is it with you girls and your girly-girl drama? What are you now? A love detective?"
        - Wallace

"You think that's some kind of rare breed or something?"
"That or a drunk dingo had a three-way with an ocelot and a porcupine."
        - Veronica and Wallace, tracking down a dog

This is Logan with today's inspirational greeting: the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams — Eleanor Roosevelt. Leave a message.
        - Logan's voicemail message

"Maybe I'll see you tonight when you and Sacks bust this party we're going to."
        - Veronica to officer Leo

"The game is afoot."
        - Veronica, walking into the dance

"Heads up. Risky business at 12:00."
        - Leo, as Logan does his best Tom Cruise impersonation

[#16 Betty and Veronica]

I searched for my mother for the better part of a year. I doubt that Clarence Wiedman just happened to find her the same night. He didn't know where to find my mother. He knew where to find me.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"We don't really have the money to hire a professional but I have noticed that you have certain...skills."
        - Principal Clemmons, to Veronica

Go to any High School in America and you can tell who the popular kids are. They travel in packs of the biggest, the shiniest, and the prettiest.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

Whoever said it's a man's world had no idea how easy it is sometimes to be a girl.
        - Veronica, making an entrance as 'the new girl' (voiceover)

A day in the life of a human google. Always in search mode.
        - Veronica, on the life of a PI

"Can you do me a weird favour without asking any questions?"
"Isn't that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded?"
        - Veronica and Wallace

"See, that's what you do now. You take that deep breath like you're preparing for battle or something."
        - Meg, to an uncomfortable Veronica

[#17 Kane and Abel's]

"A file on Duncan?"
"There's a file on everyone."
"Yeah. It's thorough. And I'm glad my alibi held up."
        - Logan and Veronica, discussing Lilly's murder

"Hey, what do you think Lilly would make of you investigating all the people who loved her?"
"I loved Lilly. Maybe if I didn't I'd be able to drop this."
        - Logan and Veronica

"Hey honey, what are you doing on the floor in the corner?"
        - Keith, to Veronica, after a bad day

"The Kanes had two full-time housekeepers. My guess, they hadn't done their own laundry in a very long time so give me one good reason why they would start a load of laundry the night they found their daughter bludgeoned to death... Honey, it was a soccer uniform I found in the dryer."
        - Keith, with a clue for Veronica

[#18 Weapons of Class Destruction]

"You dad's cool with us, right?"
"Like, has he made a couple of remarks about the 29 month age difference? He has. On the other hand, he likes the fact that you carry a gun."
        - Leo and Veronica, on the front porch

"Our very real duty to protect the student body trumps your non-existent right to a free student press."
        - Principal Clemmons to Miss Stafford

"So, are you working on any interesting cases with your father?"
"Well, that Maltese Falcon is still eluding us..."
        - Meg and Veronica

"Dream on, Jump Street."
        - Logan, to an undercover agent Ben

"Ppart of my job at the ATF is monitoring internet traffic. Norris kept a website that was…troubling. We discovered countless emails he'd sent to other students, lots of red-flag words."
"Red-flag words?"
"Retribution, bomb, arsenal, gun show, fertilizer, Waco, Columbine."
        - Ben fills Veronica in

"So, this is my weapon collection."
"You must feel really safe at night, when the dragons come."
        - Norris, giving Veronica a tour of his bedroom

"What did you ever do before you met me?"
"Ever see the first ten minutes of '2001: A Space Odyssey'? It was a lot like that."
        - Mac, IT Expert and Veronica

"Mac, if you were planning the Apocalypse on Friday, would you ask someone out on a date for that weekend?"
"Me? That's the only way I'd ask someone out."
        - Veronica and Mac

But after all, well, isn't this just a momentary thing. It's not like it's permanent or any heavy thing?
It's not like I hoped. It's not like I dreamed. It's not like I prayed. My hoped-for thing.
        - Something Happens, "Momentary Thing", playing over that kiss

[#19 Hot Dogs]

"Honey, do I need to recap my Concerned Dad lectures? No running with scissors, no candy from strangers, no smartening up the local criminal element."
        - Keith, after Veronica tutors Weevil

"Veronica Mars? This is the coolest girl in Neptune High. She was gonna get expelled for planting a spy cam in the teacher's lounge but she had so much dirt, they just let her off."
        - Hans

"Can I ask you something?"
"Hm. Will you look at that? There was a string attached to my pop tart."
        - Trina and Logan, after she makes him breakfast

"How many get-out-of-jail-free cards do you have up your sleeve, anyway?"
        - Weevil to Veronica

"Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help?"
        - Veronica to Logan

"Can I ask you kind of a weird question?"
"Do you ask any other kind of questions?"
        - Veronica and Leo

"All this time you've had Lilly Kane research in a box marked 'Playboys' in the closet?"
"Well, I figured it'd be safe there."
        - Veronica and Keith

[#20 M.A.D.]

"You know what's going to happen, Veronica? I gonna end up a downloadable national joke. You know, right up there with Paris Hilton or that 'Star Wars' kid. I'll be the video that everyone emails their friends, you know, just google popsicle girl and there I'll be for the rest of human history. And I can't stop him."
"Unless you had something that would ruin Tad back. You know, get your own A-bomb and it prevents him from launching a first strike. Mutually Assured Destruction."
        - Carmen and Veronica, launching their own Cold War

"Hey, do you think this thing…will ever get more normal?"
"What, like will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say 'I wuv you bear-y much'?"
"Yes, exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring tossing ability."
"Well, secrets are kinda hot, too."
        - Veronica and Logan

"So, how are you Veronica?"
"Embarrassed. Uncomfortable."
        - Aaron and Veronica

"I like what I see in him when he's with you."
        - Aaron to Veronica

"The navy's got that don't ask, don't tell thing. If we tell, they're gonna ask."
        - Veronica to Tad

"But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rustbucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go."
        - Logan to Veronica

Of course, they have to have something sensible like a password to prevent people like me from doing what I'm trying to do.
        - Veronica, blocked off by an account password

Carmen and I don't remember the same night.
        - Veronica, on the track of a cold trail

[#21 A Trip to the Dentist]

"Of all the countries under military dictatorship in all the world..."
        - Keith, 'bumping into' Duncan in Cuba

"It's kind of a bad time."
"Okay. So I should come back when, never? That work for you?"
        - Veronica and Logan

"What can I do to make it better?"
"I'm going to find out who did this to me and I'm going to make them pay. Even if it was you."
        - Logan and Veronica

"Um, can we skip English today? I have some sort of Hemingway related narcolepsy. You start talking about 'The Sun Also Rises' and I start falling asleep."
        - Meg

The whole ritual cleaning thing is textbook for a reason. For a couple of minutes, you're in control and everything's the way it should be, at least on the surface.
        - Veronica, cleaning everything in sight

"You see another special on dust mites?"
"They're disgusting, they're everywhere, and they must be destroyed."
        - Keith and Veronica

[#22 Leave It To Beaver]

"I'm sorry. I freaked out. That night in the guest house, we were like crossing over into something and I don't know, all of a sudden I just felt really weird and guilty and I started thinking about Duncan and about Lilly and it wasn't the easiest night to begin with."
        - Veronica to Logan

"You're not trying to burn a hole through a stack of paper using only the power of your stare again?"
        - Veronica to Keith

"Do you know what you just signed away?"
"There's nothing that I want from them."
"Nothing. You didn't sign away a thing."
        - Keith and Veronica, discussing the Kanes' offer

"The Echolls kid. What'd you find out?"
"Among other things, I'm pretty sure he's dating your daughter. That girl of yours — she's pretty hard-boiled, huh?"
        - Keith and Sheriff Lamb

"I bet on you, and I lost. I've been doing that my whole life. And I'm through."
        - Veronica to Lianne

"I was hoping it would be you."
        - Veronica, opening a door and closing the season

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