Myself's and herself's auto-biographies!
Leannes auto biography, written by Marion.
Leanne was born in 1749 an a harem to a courtesan called mam. She,
in her turn grew up and progressed to become a las vegas showgirl. It was there
that i met Leanne. She was all shaking her money maker and I was all counting cards
at a black jack table.
Needless to say we both got thrown out and from that moment we became fast friends.
We returned to our native land to "go for a pint" and here we have remained ever since,
propping up the bar and of course it was there that we got the fantastic idea for panthouse.
However it was not all as simple as it sounds. During her stint as a las vegas showgirl Leanne
met a man by the name of John Joe. John Joe, a famous porn producer in his native land
(some foreign country)fell madly in love with Leanne and begged her to marry him. She
refused and fled to her native land(some other country) but little did she know that
John Joe was hot on her heels.
Upon his arrival in her native land John Joe disguised himself as patron of the pub that Leanne
was known to frequent/live in. He had a cunning plan to weasel his way into her favour.
Being oblivious to this cunning plan, Leanne played right into John Joe's hands.
Needless to say there was much shock and horror when finally John Joe revealed himself
(figuratively, it was a little late for the literal part), but by that stage the damage was done.
Nine months later Leanne popped out a little'un who looked just like half the pub.
Now for Leanne there was no escaping John Joe, she was tied to him forever.
Nowadays Leanne can still be found propping up the bar, and John Joe has been reduced to
selling magazines on the street in order to pay for child support, the child has not been seen
since the early eighties but we are sure its around somewhere.
Marions auto biography, written by Leanne.
Marion William Purcell was born in 1969 to band of itinerant(spelt fon-et-ic-ally) pixies. She was raised a happy child, in a dark overgrown forrest near Las Vegas. From an early age she was taught to be a ho and shaft people for all she could. Wahey. She soon outgrew her pixie family and it became apparent that her parentage was in deep doubt. To escape the heightest persecution she decided to travel the long lonely road across Nevada to the bright lights of Las Vegas. She got lost and ended up in Alberta, Canada. So began her illicit trist with soon to be WWF wrestler, Chris Benoit. It was a torris relationship frought with physical abuse. Poor Benoit was lucky to esacape with his wife.
From there she decided to follow her original dream of going to Las Vegas to get rich and have an army of naked young men. This time amazingly, she got there. She met a strong, gnarled man called Gene Simmons who taught her the ancient art of card counting. She soon started making loads in various casinos. It was in one such casino that ahe met a rather ugly showgirl called Leanne. The rest as they say is history.
That is of course, until when they returned to their beloved Ireland. One night in their local pub(To be continued..)
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