MacCool

STORMONT may be closed to the lads but life must go on. Mark Durkan of the SDLP suggested re-opening the Forum for Peace and Grovelling. David Trimble met with Gerry Adams. Bertie Ahern met with Tony Blair. Tony Blair met with Mark Durkan to see if he was ready to expel Sinn Féin from Stormont (Mark asked if he could wait till after the next elections).

Tony decided to facilitate the SDLP for the moment. It was at this point that Mitchell (never had the guts to join) McLaughlin rushed to the reporters. “It's terrible ... really terrible that Mark Durkan should let people know how myself and Gerry and the lads are being treated during our ‘private’ meetings with Tony Blair. I mean what are people going to think … that we are some kind of grovellers?”

Meanwhile Mark said he didn’t think he had broken a confidence shared with him by Mr Blair. Come on now, the only people who think nobody knows what is going on is Gerry and … well as a matter of fact it is just Gerry at this point. But then Gerry has been quoted as saying that The Big Friday agreement is the only show in town.

“My children used act like that sometimes. You know how it is, the circus has long left town so they start dressing up as clowns or pretending to be lions … just to keep the magical feeling going … really quite sad when viewed from my perspective.” (commented Bart Simpson.)

Gerry, under some pressure from two of his constituents (who claimed to be able to read) ran to the Hillgrove Hotel in Monaghan to make a speech. “Not quite as salubrious as Stormont or the Europa Hotel but anything is better that the Felons Club,” Gerry is reported as saying. “Have you any idea of how many of those ex-non-criminal ex-prisoners learnt to read inside?” he asked “Well I can tell you … exactly 16 and in my opinion that's about a hundred too many!”

“Working together for a new Ireland” was the title of Gerry's speech and considering that with the exception of a few loyalist killers like White and Adair no one is actually speaking to him in public the man made a good stab at pretending to be his usual “slightly” out of his mind good self.

THE actual content of the speech has been widely circulated. Every lavatory in the country will have one by Monday morning according to British and Irish government spokespersons. “This may be one of the most significant contributions Gerry Adams  has ever made to society,” David Trimble commented when given the news.

“There will always be such a place for Gerry Adams and his party … they must look again at what they have achieved and therefore what is possible if they continue on this new road of peace and democracy,” British Prime Minister Tony Blair commented.

Meanwhile back up at Stormont Gerry and the lads have been given an assurance that they can enter the building at any time but only by the servants’ entrance
Still it could have been worse. The Brits might have insisted they use the Tradesman's Entrance. Can you imagine the insult to tradesmen all over the world. I think you may agree that on this occasion the Brits have got it absolutely right. (Any servants who feel insulted please address your complaints to Mr G Adams, British MP for Belfast, c/o anywhere but Stormont).
 

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Web layout by SAOIRSE -- Irish Freedom November 9, 2002  Send links, events notifications, articles, comments etc, to the editor at: saoirse@iol.ie.