My mind is afloat in some maniacs head

I'm looking for truth in the land of the dead

I shouted at them '' You'll never work again''

They chased me with rulers and flatulent pens

Why one even rode on a Technicolour hen

I'm chasing moonbeams as I bounce off the seas

I'm will of the wisp as I float through the trees

I'm glancing off stars as I fly well past Mars

I will tell you some more if you please shut the door that

leads out of my mind to the land of the blind

I tried to talk to God on the Interstellar phone

I faxed sweet Jesus but he's not at home

St Peter got caught short at the pearly gates

I guess this is what happens when you turn up to late

Julius Caesar Roman geezer, lost his empire trying to please her.

Helen of Troy very coy except when trying to attract another boys. Moses and the pharaoh parted company after the opening of the red sea.

Constantine feeling fine clever swine drinking Roman Catholic wine.He tied things up like a ball of twine. Taras Bulbas hordes of doom riding from sun up till noon

Attila the Hun having fun until he met the Papal one. Hitler with mien kamp plan thought he was a superman. Stalin rode upon Lenin's back until he wanted greater crack. Trotsky was picked us right as he was about to fight

Napoleon brandy makes you randy especially if you have one handy. Genghis Khan crossed many steps with his horsy pets

Pentagon secret file, Captain North winning smile. Ronald Reagan B movie star , white house role going far. Hearst obsessive collector, Orson Wells main objector. Crazy horse custard pie, blue and yellow stripes must die

Mrs Shelley, Frankenstein, Hammer horror doing fine. Cassius Clay, Sonny Liston broken piston, Henry Cooper left hook super.

Rumble in the jungle Foreman crumble

Christine Keeler what a feeler, wanted a cabinet minister and became a chair person instead. Marilyn Monroe out of cake big mistake Jayne Mansfield pink obsession, lost afloat publicity session.

Howard Hughes giant flying boat, movie dreams, Jayne Russell fan mega schemes afraid of tiny germs it seems.

Nelson kiss me Hardy, if sailors do this it's tarty. Jesse Owens black Munich menace. Beatle mania, plastic bins, Mickey Mouse ,Johan Strauss

Babe Ruth swinging with a swish, home runs with every wish. Rocky Marciano, Suzy Q , hitting canvas quite a few

'' Would you like to be born again in Jesus and save your soul from the dead''

No I never lost him was my sarcastic reply

He told me it felt great to be born again

I asked if I did would I get a flash suit like his and a golden pen.

He gave me an injection of nova cocaine and he said ''Wait a few minutes and it will kill the pain''

I thought many years later, it could have been my brain

I contacted them by phone and gave some sketchy details of my C.V.

The man at the other end of the line said '' come along and we'll see''

The interview was held in a public phone booth, sixteen got in one lost a tooth

The boss was the guy with his head on the floor, he said ''please don't shut the door I'm expecting fifty more''

The job is to sell small flats to pygmy tribes, you've all qualified cause you've got inside

The first sales convention will be held on the Moon

After I've had my twenty six daily injections I'll be joining you soon

Trying to persuade me, he showed me the picture of the man on the front of the

Scott's oatlets porridge box thinking it would have some macho appeal for me.

What I saw was a large swarthy man, wearing a bright red skirt, bare hairy legs, clogged boots and holding a metal ball in one hand.

If you eat enough of this my father said, you could grow up just like him.

Can you imagine, why I did not eat much porridge.

When I fumble with strong wooden furniture and it feels as smooth as silk

I was not drinking milk

I think I'm in some type of heaven but it will never end this way as there isalways hell to pay

This morning I saw a man passionately kissing a double Decker bus parked in Marlborough street, well enough is enough

The rain fell in mist filled sheets over my small tented holiday home.

Birds shook their feathers under the dripping hedges and rain soaked trees.

Children ran through puddles with mud spattered legs.

Clothes hung limply like worn out rags from plastic pegs.

Plastic covered food disappeared from view under the cloak of clinging condensation.

People were developing constipation, afraid to dash to the nearest sanitation.

Camp fires were spluttering like burning wet squibs.

Cooking pots were being sheltered by opened brollies.

Women were pushing food in plastic covered shopping trolleys.

Paper moneycurled up in the hand in twisted sheets, the tent wall felt like wet flannelling

Evening brought wet lank hair and a feeling of foreboding and mild despair

Its a terrible thing to be stranded on Mars I, wish I was at home eating chocolate bars.

It happened one night as I walked down a lane I accidentally stepped onto an aliens train.

I, showed my bus pass to this odd looking freak he said

'' Hey man its been up for a week"

The first stop we make will be at Mars, they don't eat chocolate bars. I, hope you're a vegetarian for your bodies sake, we don't eat that crap you call meat on a plate only edible bushes they say they taste luscious.

When we arrived at the place we were greeted by a motley crew, why one looked like an elephant another a shrew .

Greetings Earthling they cried, we're quite familiar with your race but its rare to find an idiot this far out in space

We sat down to eat what I thought was a stew, I, found out much later that it was their vegetable goo.

Don't look so worried they said you'll soon be home in bed, when the night train returns from the home of the dead

My wife is upstairs getting an electrical charge, from our pet robot I've nicknamed him sarge.

The poor woman wore Internet stockings to help me get it on but my mouse has gone faulty and my joy stick has gone.

Be careful if you have to bend down in front of me

An Alien crash landed in my back garden last night.

His face was all blackened his arms a queer sight, welcome to Earth I cried to him.

Is this what this is he said rubbing his three chins.

What caused you to crash I called to him, it was when my spaceship ran out of shit that's what we use for fuel on the planet fargone the annular place where I come from.

You see a constipation virus has wiped out most of our stocks and I've been sent on this desperate mission to replace our great loss.

Why you've hit the jackpot here I said most of us here have shit in our heads

We do it in things we call lavatories, it goes down many pipes before rotting our seas.

When can I, start my life saving quest he said.

I, said take this capsule then stick it up my back yard then stand well back because I'm half jarrred.

Short time memory might be hard to regain the reason for this we cannot explain

Your static levels may be up for a day or two but at least you won't remember why you were feeling so blue.

With innocent grin and gooey chin I sucked till it got real thin

They gave me farley rusks as tough as tusks which upset my tiny little guts.

I, missed the tit and threw a fit, that's why I sucked the tiny digit

Otherwise I would bawl or fidget

The many bottles I did drain still seeking tit

I missed the cooey coos the lovely warm soothing smell, the gentle touch I knew so well

Those plastic bottles can go to hell

Thank God they don't give them to adults as well;

CHRIS TILL BALL, LOOK HE AM YOU LETS

SELL THICK THESE SIGNS

MADGE HICK STOW HENS\

A QUARE HE US. Jan you hurry 20th-----Feb 18 th

PIE SEES Feb yew are he.19th- March 20th

AIR HE IS Ape her ill 20th- May 20th

TOWER US Ape rill 20th-May 20th

GEM IN EYE May 21st- Due in 21st

CAN SIR JEW in 22 the- Due lie 22 th

LEE OH Due lie 23rd- August 23.turd

FAIR GO Aug gust 24.th- Sept ten bear 23.th

LIB BRA Sep ten bare 24.th- Ock tow bare 23.th

SCORE PEE OH Ock toe bare.24.th-Know vem bear.24th

SAGE HE TEAR US . No vem bear 23.turd-The same bear. 21st

I CAN BEE CON TACK HID ON THE ASS THRILL PLANE

AT WEAK ENDS, OR AT THE OF HIS LATE HER

MOW BILE NO; SICK, SICK ,SICK ,NI HEN, NI HEN, NI HEN SICK

The This Lex Sick For Tune Tell Her

Horray we have just found another Jesus
That statement is not quite true but
a defective replacement will have to do

We will have to lock him up and put medications through his brains
It is not as blatant as a cross
But we don't give a toss
His intellect will not be considered a great loss

To challenge the state percieved reality
seems like a crazy thing to do but he should
have known the entry price for joining the 
chosen few.

The nodding heads, the well made beds,
The giggling fools, the plastic rubbish bins with ash tray topped
lids, the vacant grins
The psycho struts, the rectangular corridor walking ruts
The shining floors, the blue locked doors, the fire alarm
The nurses charm, the constant begging for spare fags, the
out of date mags, the little peaceful enclosed quadrangle
The cries of despair, the centrally heated air
The nurses secure space age looking stations
The silent queues for medication, the mental 
constipation, the funny recreation, the toliets desecration
The green towels sensation, the beltless dressing gowns
The doctors frowns, the quiet medication, the kitchen queue
dedication, the cornflakes at bedtime sensation, the sense of leaving
elation.  The kind consideration of the mentally ill patients
The consternation of the nursing staff as most inmates start to laugh

They know that he has been taken back in to hotel California
Where you can check out but never really leave
unless you have something hidden up your sleeve
You would like to believe

There has been an investigation into superman. It has been reported recently that after taking an overdose of Viagra he screwed up the whole Universe. A further statement disclosed that he could be charged also with being a cross dresser. There is also the case of the genectically altered cactus. This appears devolped gay tendencies and pricked two gay men to death in a vain effort to release its orgone energies the disaster occured after it escaped from the tropical plant house of the cities arboretum. It finally subdued and sated by a sex mad hedge hog.

It was also reported later that a Yeti exposed himself in front of a Siberian tiger in the upper Himalayas. The Chinese authorities said they could not affect an arrest, as there was no law on statue books to cover such a bizarre event. The unusual pair was last seen entering Russian territory. The Russian news agency Tass reported that the K.G.B. had a man on the spot. It was later stated by the C.I.A. that the man was no other than one of Oswald's doubles who was frozen to the spot since the early sixties, after he ran out of vodka and bullets for his old crooked war rifle. This was taken form one of the ex C.I.A guaranteed to miss versions. Their users usually called themselves Patsys and loved cloak and dagger affairs until they are eliminated by knowing illegal hoods.

It was said by leading scientists that skitzos could be armed with portable nuclear devices in a last ditch attempt to reach cosmic awareness. The resurrected head of Timothy Leary said that it could not make any clear comment yet except to say it was known to L.S.D., Lucy in the sky with diamonds and sergeant Peppers lonely hearts club band.

This statement could be treated with scepticism as its felt that Leary's head could still be under pressure from authorities. However a leading F.B.I. sado masochist said it greatly pained him to read such statements and it would give him great pleasure to root out the perpetrators no matter what cost or effort involved

The same effect of cosmic awareness they say can be obtained by raiding the Vatican wine vaults. It is rumoured that there is a special Jesus vintage still in stock, hidden behind the lowest most fortified bomb proff bunker. This consignment was supposedly illegally procured after the wedding feast of Canna, when it was said that most of the party were stoned unaware. It is known only to a few experts as the wine from Heaven, not from the vine or work of human hands. There is one side effect however, should you drink more than one bottle you could end up looking for a hammer and nails. There is a Judas vintage also but after a few glasses you end up trying to kiss your friends to death.

The last vintage is the Mary Magdalene but that choice is for the people who really want to get stoned

Passing through the Galaxy on a solar sailing ship

Listening to Old Bing Crosby records thinking that I'm really hip

Dreaming of white XMAS on the red sea shores of Mars

I hope that those damn aliens don't crowd out our few bars, were not next door to spars

Songs of Simply Red play softly in my head, while I'm sleeping on a floating bed

"Hey there goes a red Santa passing by" eating a large slice of Marsian kaleidoscopic pie

And with a mad twinkling red look in his eyes.

It was in the summer of 1942 a bombed dropped by the Germans exploded on a block of flats in the North Strand of Dublin missing its intended target of Amiens street railway station where most of the volunteers were embarking to go to join H.M.S. forces in Belfast. A HEAD WAS BLOWN OFF ONE OF THE OCCUPENTS OF ONE OF THE TOP FLATS. It spun through the air at the velocity that defied imagination trapping and concentrating the remaining oxygen because of its velocity. A humming noise came from the head similar to the hum of a spinning top but not as musical. However it was a noise that was in sympathetic harmony with the music being played through the Universe in their quest to find intelligent life. It immediately downloaded malevolent information to the spinning head, " you see the aliens were evil creatures". The head finally landed on a building that was later named Fairview Grand. The head began immediately to radiate and transmit malevolent psychic waves that affected badly the local inhabitants including the Garda who started to act in Bizarre ways, even making effective arrests, refusing bribes and riding backwards on their bicycles on the local dollymount beach. Some even were using their helmets to drink out of in the local bars much to the annoyance of the publicans serving Guinness, as the helmets held more than a pint glass. They also started to sing loudly rebel songs and spitting at pictures of Winston Churchill was their favourite hobby in the local garda station, which they painted with the colours of the tricolour. An effigy of prince Philip dressed in women's underwear was nightly assaulted in one of the jails and was in rag order by morning

Violence broke out every where and the local mental hospital was so full up that they had to erect tents for the overload. Doctors and nurses were sectioned into their own hospitals and confined to rubber which most of them seemed to love. In the arboretum rubber plants were the order of the day. The police were aso into rubber in a big way and hoses were very popular as well as soap and wet towels. Thankfully they were busy thrashing each other to bother with the other insurgents battling it out from East Wall to Donnycarney. Christian brothers, priests and nuns lead most of the main charges in this amazing frenzy of insatiable violence. The Roman Catholic church ran out of hair shirts and had to place an order with the Far East to meet unprecedented demand.

A big cross or a good strong rosary beads were reputed to be great weapons and spinning miraculous medals damaged many the eye in the conflicts. It is rumoured that some high ranking German officers deserted the S.S. to come and join the fray and later joined the Christian Brothers when the war in Fairview was over. The aliens had a direct link with the head and sound and pictures were transmitted them via the same. It became the most popular reality alien show throughout their GALAXY. Some people in Fairview started to purposefully constipate themselves and develop pins and neddles by sitting in peculiar postitions unknown to even the most ardent yoga followers. The whole thing was ended when the head was discovered by a workman who went to repair the roof of the building ten years after the head first landed. It was believed to have been robbed by a young Dublin man named Skidd form its secert location and he has been effected badly since and cannot be admitted even into the worst of mental homes because of his connections to elementals nad alien beings. It is said that he buried the head in a field at Glanmire where they are now believed to be bearing the brunt of the effects of the buried head. Drug addiction and the cosuming of copious liquor, lunatic soup ciders etc are now regarded as the norm in the area, especially near the lower reaches of that area. A mad poet was heard talking to a dog early one morning does not that tell you enough. It is rumoured that it was the Skidd fellow drawn back to the head again to charge up his mad energies. It is a fact that later he was seen talking in a local pub with Germans, Swedes, Ukrainians, Poles, Welsh, Romanians, Nigerians, French, Russians, Spainish, Moroccans ets, such is the power of the effective policy implemented by horny harney.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE NOW. IT IS NOTED THAT THESE DREAM DRIVEN DESIRES ORGINATE FROM ORGASMIC IMAGERY FORMED THROUGH THE INNER EYE THROUGH EARLY PUBERTY WHEN FLESHLY IMAGARY IS AT ITS STRONGEST AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OFF BY HIERACHY THROUGH INGENIOUS MARKETING STRATEGIES ESPECIALLY IN MEDIA ORIENTED FIELDS AS IN MUSIC, FASHION, MAGAZINES, SOAPS, REALITY SHOWS, GLADIATOR SHOWS ETC.

Will the adept please note that the buoyancy of the soul while in a summery mood sometimes is aided by the consumption of a soft drink named lilt. This is supposed to have a totally tropical taste and was formerly named Cariba, short for Caribbean. This word Cariba was deemed to harsh for the western tongue to say and hear so the gentler sound of lilt was adopted for this concoction of chemicals etc. This substance is rumoured to help with successful enlightment of the soul. IT IS STRESSED THAT SUN-GLASSES, BERMUDA SHORTS AS WELL AS A HIGHLY DECORATED BEACH UMBRELLA AND DECK CHAIR ARE NECESSARY REQUIRMENTS. The beach umbrella can be used as a wand to help imitate an orgasm in this particular area.

To reach higher tantric levels, while reclining in the deck chair or for some the up market sun lounger, a sun reflector and heavy duty sun screen with a factor of at least forty is necessary. Three brochures of the Mediterranare nearly a must, however for a weaker orgasm, one copy of a map of Blabby mun will do instead.

During these intricate operations the head must be kept in a position where optimum blood supplies can reach the brain thereby keeping the blood pressure up resulting in more powerful and mind blowing orgasms. Spinning or jerking motions can detract and impinge on the whole effect and block the flow of orgone energy that enhances sex at the highest level. However if this happens things can be rectified by a little pain enhancement or slight bondage roles that again will get the adept back on the right track again.

It is advisable while in this mode to avoid the umbrella and deck chair and sun lounger but the sun cream can come in handy to shade the slight bruising that usually occurs, as they say no pain no gain.