Friends

David feels he cannot go near Saul because of Saul’s attempts to kill him

Jonathan has just made David’s excuse why he is not at Saul’s banquet

but all Saul’s jealousy & insecurity bubbles up to the surface.

What’s the greatest threat a child can make?

‘I’m not your friend any more!’

It’s one of our basic desires at any age, to have friends

whether children to have someone to play with

teenagers a group to stand around with

or at any age someone to go for coffee with, play golf with, go for a walk with

just because you are friends

No wonder one of the most popular sit coms is called ‘Friends’

as it explores the tensions (not always rightly)

between close friendships and sexual intimacy.

Friendship is an amazing relationship

different from family relationships

husbands wives, brothers sisters, parents children

it’s available to every age and type of person

but what makes a true deep friendship

as distinct from a passing acquaintance?

Something we could think about as we dust down the Christmas card list

and wonder how deep our friendships are with some people.

3 important things about friendship in story of David & Jonathan

1 FRIENDSHIP CAN BE COSTLY

Just after David defeated Goliath

1 Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.

3 Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.

4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David,

along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

Jonathan who normally would have succeeded his father as king of Israel

gives up the symbols of royalty to God’s anointed successor to his father.

This was not just a friend giving a friend gifts

this was a voluntary renouncing of rights and power in favour of a friend.

The very person who had most to lose from David succeeding Saul

is the very one who goes out of his way to welcome and protect

one who was his natural rival.

who goes out of his way to share himself with him.

Isn’t that the depth of friendship?

Someone goes out of their way and beyond what we can demand

they don’t have to do it, they have not promised, they have not been paid

they have no family ties with you

yet as a friend they give themselves

What did Jesus say and show?

‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.’

The best human friendship reflects

the free generous sacrificial love giving of God for us

God does not have to bless us, Jesus did not have to die for us,

we have no claim on him

but God has freely chosen to love us, to know his friendship

and he wants us to enjoy that friendship through trusting Christ

that divine friendship which becomes a great base for human friends also.

2  GOOD FRIENDSHIPS HAVE HONESTY & INTEGRITY

Early in c 20 after several attacks by Saul David confronts Jonathan

and speaks plainly with him about his father’s behaviour.

There are obvious stresses on this friendship

since one friend is the target of hate from the other’s father.

Wouldn’t it have been so easy for David to avoid Jonathan

to assume that their friendship could not last because of the family pressure?

Wouldn’t have been easier for Jonathan to duck the problems

to give David some smooth talk but sideline the issues

and make the friendship superficial?

Or to throw his lot in with David and totally turn against his father?

No, he takes the harder path of trying to mediate, to go between.

He is loyal to his father and loyal to his friend.

Even when it becomes clear that Saul will never stop hating David

Jonathan takes the hard path of fighting with his father

and in the end dying beside him

while still maintaining his commitment to David.

Do our friendships have that depth of honesty and integrity?

Can we say hard things to each other and remain friends

‘faithful are the wounds of a friend’  (Proverbs 27.6)

Or do we avoid and keep our friendships in the shallows?

Years ago I went on holidays with a friend.

He had been ill and had a very short temper.

I decided that was the last holiday I would take with him.

Next year he suggested I join him and some others

but I made my excuses.

I avoided his quick temper

but I also lost an opportunity for the friendship to deepen with reality

FRIENDS SHOULDN’T BE ASHAMED TO HUG

Isn’t a shame that some of us find it hard to hug

or that touch and embrace are seen as something always linked with sex?

David & Jonathan in their actions in 20. 41 show us a culture

where they express their deep feelings in bodily action.

David bows down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground.

Then they kissed each other and wept together--but David wept the most.

This is strong emotional expression but not at all erotic.

It should not to be seen as endorsing sexual activity outside marriage.

Sex is given by God to be expressed

within the publicly recognised permanent commitment

of a man and a woman to each other.

Sadly we live in a culture where this gift of sex is often abused and misused.

With the result that people make snide and cheap remarks

about two men or two women in a close friendship.

When David & Jonathan kissed and wept together

it was what Paul calls a ‘holy kiss’

a physical demonstration of a deep emotion without sexual innuendo

and without compromise of the marriage bond.

In other cultures in Asia and in Africa

it is possible for people to express deep friendship by embrace and touch.

Haven’t we lost something if a handshake is all we can offer?

I remember visiting a largely West Indian congregation in Brixton in London

Quite something to be hugged by those matronly ladies.

Maybe they were not in the end more friendly  than we are

but they could express it better than we can

the depth of feeling in Christian fellowship.

Does Jonathan’s generous giving to David

not say something to us about what we might do for our friends

even at a cost as Jesus has done for us?

Does David’s honesty and Jonathan’s integrity to his father and his friend

not challenge the way we conduct our relationships

to be open and impartial?

Does their farewell embrace not challenge us

how we may express what we feel?

Let us pray for each person here to know the friendship of Jesus

and the cost to him to lay aside his glory and suffer for us

Let us pray for depth in our friendships:

perhaps there is something we need to say to a friend;

perhaps we have a struggle to be fair to our family and to our friend

(as Jonathan found)

Let us pray for a deep pure emotional richness in our friendships

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow

for each other and for everyone else

May he strengthen your hearts

so that you will be blameless and holy

in the presence of our God and Father

when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.