Bujinkan Wexford Dojo
the mc dojo files:
some funny and not so funny
stuff to come out of different martial art's clubs and organisations
from around the world
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Some Martial Arts Definitions...
Author : unkown :
Kempo
Percussion class with people as the drums
Aikido
Origami with people
Jiu-jitsu
people who fold your laundry for you----while you are still
wearing it.
Tai Chi
martial art overdosed on valium...
Taiji
The idea of Taiji is to yield to your opponent's attack.... in most
cases the yielding seems to be so pronounced that the idea must be to play on
the opponent's pity
Tai Chi
just
like standing still, only faster.
Aikido
A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting
him. Unless of course his does not know how to ukemi in which case
he has his wrist broken in about 20 places
Arnis
"Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as eskrima
and kali, centering around stick, blade and empty hand combat.
Mispronanciation of the art guarantees a quick taste
Bo
A stick
Bokken
A stick that looks like a sword
Buddhism
A religious doctrine and a marketing tool to populate asia with statues
of short fat bald men
Chi
A biophysical energy generated through breathing techniques, which in
defying the laws of physics and the basic scientific common sense, allows
the user to develop super human strength
Dan
A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved
the rank of at least first-degree black belt
Darn
The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now
get hit harder and more frequently during training
Dojo
"The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium. Very similar
to a B & D parlor but without the mistress
Hakama
A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really
like to talk about it
Iaido
"Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the samurai sword from
its scabbard. A rather interesting art developed around the principle
of "look how big mine is"
Judo
"Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling each
other without apparently doing any damage. These men are often closet Hakama wearers
Jujitsu
A lot like judo except that these boys like to inflict slightly more
damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers
and often are heard saying "You gotta a big mouth"
Karate
"Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is
the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate
styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This
art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century.
Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting
with their fists on their hips
Kata
A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the
Oriental martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything
else that may involve pain
Katana
A sharp metal stick
Kendo
A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other
with sticks and making in-human sounds. Could be a cult ??
Kuk Sool Won
A combination of Kata, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Zen, Jujitsu and Master
definitions but of course the tapes for Kuk Sool Won are much more
expensive
Kung fu
A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts.
Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students
of Pray Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while
students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off by
men in white lab coats
Master
A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced
rank after long years of study or has started his own style
after achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or has completed
the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per month
Naginata
A stick with a sharp bit on the end
Ninja
A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night
in his pajamas
Ninjutsu
The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas
Sparring
Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes
that you don't know any kata or techniques
Tae kwon do
An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the
flexibility of a professional ballet dancer
Tai chi chuan
Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very
slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop
the ultimate power you are close to death anyway
Tatami
"Straw mat." A mat usually measuring three by six feet and three
inches thick (with bound straw inside.) Original purpose to prevent
blood stains on the wooden floor
Three sectional staff
Three sticks linked together
Zen
The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine
that emphasizes meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission
of teachings from master to student. Mostly taught by rather old and
confused monks who have had one too many rocks fall on their heads
during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting in a cave facing
a wall for 10 years or so