The Hoar Of Ages
Monthly Mumble.

Entry 6 of me Monthly Mumble…and yeah, I missed me Entry last month because I was on me holidays, see? So feck it, beyond all reasonin'.(Turn yer speakers on!)

Dear Pigeons!

Ah...refreshed I am from a fortnight in Bag and Bun, County Wexford. But don't even inquire...for I already forget the half of it! Needless-to-say...I spent most of the time with lips sealed to the Gin and me arse proped on a pub stool, taking in the view of the sea down in that most calming of spots through a window in need of a good scrubbin'.

I hadn't planned me holiday...but Mister Kildare was up to his proverbials with activities that, having slipped off...and having since returned...he never noticed me absense once! As for 2 weeks in Bag and Bun...'tis enough to say...the place reeks with pleasantry, and I counted seventeen shags...all local lads with little in the way of respite from their wives-in-arms.

Now...on to things timely. Of course, we've been interviewed by the magazine dSIDE and on the Dublin Radio Station SPIN 1038, as ya may have gathered. But the snots never once mentioned me! 'Twas 'Kildare' this...and 'Freake' that...but no mention of The Hoar Of Ages...and not a word spared for poor Albrecht to boot. Who do these people think themselves to be...I wonder? Sure anyone with a bit of dosh can come up with a rag, and fling it out on a shoppe shelf for sale. And most of us know how to speak to a person, re. The SPIN 1038 Interview with Mister Freake.

dSIDE first, pigeons. I have nothin' but a sack o' praise for the photographers who took them images of Mordi Kildare. Bravo! A slice o' his timeless life...captured for all eternity and on from that, and on...if there be an on-on. Hopefully not. As for the content of the interview itself....not a feckin' word nor hoot about about DearVampire.Com...no mention of them LETTERS OF THE UNDEAD...and, lo and behold...sure even a kindly reference to ME DIARY was left omitted. 'Tis a grand thing...DearVampire.Com - a grand thing indeed. For 'here' at least...ya have a direct link to our expressions, and ya can get a good gander at the Vampires themselves. Yet, over all, the DSIDE Interview has pleased all four of us, Freake, Kildare, Albrecht and me good self, of course. Bravo again to DSIDE. May ye flog yer rag in plentiful quantities!

Then came the Radio Interview on Dublin's SPIN 1038, and in hot persuit of the magazine being published, like a wolf on a dead lamb. Lacquered as a whale...and loose as a cannon...Mister Freake came bounding on with much gusto and a rare honesty that only he himself, having lived through some hideously dark times across the gape of the centuries, could muster. How thoroughly bombastic his entrance was, if I may be so daring to say such. How worldly, his voice...aged like an orchard. And to hear, for the first time, Freake's presence boom across the Dublin airwaves was none but historical. But what about those two radio presenters then? And the content of their preparation?

Jack and Ali...they call themselves. But ready for the likes of Mister Freake? I meself think not...but in saying that pigeons, I would also add that Jack and Ali 'did' have a blast with Mister Freake...

"So...shall I call you Mister Freake...or is Caspar all right?"

"Tell me...do you drink blood?"

"You're very lucky to 'be' on SPINTALK...you know!" (Why?)

"Are you wealthy?"

Them there are just a 'few' of the questions thrown out to Freake, and in some haste may I add, a bit like feedin' a shark...in all. 'Quickly now...the fish goes out by the tail! And pull yer fingers back rapidly, like oiling a well-hung foreskin." Jack...well he seemed to be getting the hang of it....for 'tis indeed a talent one requires to keep up with Caspar Freake...and patience is a virtue with the Vampire. I would bend a spoon over Ali though...for butter would not melt in that lass's gob any quicker than Sheffield Silver on her tongue. Cool as ice, a tad flustered, and a little impatient. Ali seemed to bother not with the answer to the first question, instead prefering to get on to asking the next whilst Mister Freake was as yet in the delivery of the first. Ya know what I mean. I would say though, in hind sight, that Ali too enjoyed the time with Freake...and such is apparent from her laughter and giddy behavior throughout. Over-all, both Jack and Ali were splendid, if somewhat taken aback by Mister Freake's very presence itself.

I would also venture to add...that the 'preparation' for the Interview With Caspar Freake was a bit 'tawdry'...'ropey'...and 'rushed'. Perhaps more thought should have been given to the pennin' of them questions. But still, Jack and the lovely Ali were running out of either time or stamina to truely find their way into the woods with Mister Freake...and instead...nipped out along the dirt trail, seven minutes into the interview, possibly to escape any further controversy on-air with Caspar Freake. Or was it to interview their next guest...a spokes-woman from some flea-market in Dublin who guarantees that, if ya visit her market on a rainy day, ye'll all receive a rain-poncho to prevent the water getting at ye. Fascinating follow-up to a chat with Caspar Freake. Poor dear...with her ponchos in the rain.

Well done to SPIN 1038 for executing a most satisfying, if short, interview with one of The Last Remaining Vampires on Earth. I dare say either Jack or Ali will be adding the recording itself to an archive of their works in broadcastin', for future play. For perhaps they missed its value. Humans often do, for humans are impatient.

Me thoughts? Perhaps Freake and Kildare should storm a radio studio themselves. 'Twould be unbearably entertaining! Let us know what you think, pigeons. And we'll see if we can divvy up somethin' for ye!

Now...I'm off to slap a few pigeons in me back yard. Another day...another feckin' day.
 

The Hoar Of Ages

Dublin, Ireland. May 27th 2002.