Brian's Story Continued
Click if you haven't read last weeks story
Langered but not laid!
26-27th February -->(5th weekend in Berlin)
Before i start my diary account of the weekend a note ==> The heading at the top is from Eddie eoconnor1@usa.net
and just about sums up every weekend so far in berlin. Basically if you are looking for a story full of sex and easy women then you need the LODGE!.
Prequel:
Our Mission: Get proper haircuts
Option:1. Go to a german hairdresser and explain to him in english what we wanted.
Advantages:If the german hairdresser spoke english we could end
up with trendy haircuts,
Dangers: The hairdresser would probably more than likely speak
only a little english and we would end up with mohawks, or worse look like queers.
Option:2 Fuck it all and leave our hair grow long
Advantages:People would be afraid of us??????? People might
think we are homeless and give us money (not likely
in germany but hey! it might work at home)
Dangers: Could get beaten up for looking like queers or homeless people. Get arrested for looking homeless. Get our hair stuck in the hairdryer,toaster,washing machine,various other electrical appliances and the u-bahn,
s-bahn,bus and tram automatic closing doors (trust me i got my bag got in one of them once.)
Having to actually buy shampoo (Does anyone really
understand what all those vitamins are for).
Wind blowing hair into eyes, mouth,up nose or even worse other peoples mouths noses, eyes
Option:3 Buy our own razor kit
Advantages:Cheap, efficient. If we give ourselves a shit haircut, can always shave our hair all off.
Dangers: Razors are dangerous in the hands of idiots (especally
idiots who think they are experts).
Could end up with very weird haircuts --> could get
beat up for looking like Nazis (they are some around)
get arrested for looking like Nazis, end up in a weird
sex cult for looking like Nazis.
More importantly :
Zzzzz.... Zzzzz....
siss siss
wakey wakey
NO EYEBROWS!!!!!!
It was decided eventually the best option would be to go for the third
one, and I do have to say that Eoin is an expert at being a Barber so
all due credit goes to him for our trendy haircuts. Eoin shaved his own hair and it can be said now that he looks like a (Eddy's saying) "Double Hard Bastard"
Friday night: (The night of Temptation). During the day my mind wandered, should i not drink (as i swore) or should I (its an irish right and i am in a foreign country), undecided myself and Eoin went shopping. It took about three seconds (maybe less) in the offie part of the shop before I decided to buy two cans of Carlsberg ice (hey the cans look cool).
At this moment i have to say the night was shite. I wasn't drunk (but i have come to the conclusion that irish people cant enjoy themselves unless they are drunk -->with the exception of my good friend DP kelly (see algorithm).
That night (I can remember), was very boring, we were drinking slowly (as you do when you are sober) and there was these people singing irish songs (they weren't irish themselves), but it was crap. The words were there, the voices were there but the irish spirit wasn't and it was in no uncertain terms AWFUL!.
The crowd loved it but it made me feel very far away from ireland. We left and went to the Kilkenny but that wasn't much better and i actually remember reading a copy of a page from the book of kells (it was on the wall) and thought thats a load of shite instead of usually (drunkiness) thinking thats lovely.
Saturday night:(Initiation into Deutsche Telekom) I was a bit disillusioned with the whole berlin thing waking up Saturday morning, but passed if off as a mere inkling. Anyway at some point we went to the soccer field
to play some soccer. I asked some Germans (17year olds) for a few kicks and we ended up having a 4 against 3 (in their favour) match.
The game began at a lively pace -->we gave them the ball as a gesture of "goodwill". Their first attack was brought to a fierce halt as young eoin o'connell on his debut made a fine tackle, some quick-footed play between Eoin and Brian set Eddy o'connor on a run and the pacy goalie-fullback-leftwinger-forward went on an unchallenged run and finished with a low powerful drive to the bottom right corner with the German goalie closing rapidly on him.
The irish followed rapidly with two more goals from Eoin and Eddy but the Germans had responded with one --> A slow buildup was met by a poor shot by young eddy who had caught the ball on the bounce and missed. The germans however responded rapidly with some pacy running and some sharp passing, eventually finishing easy into a goalie-less goals.
As the game wore on it was clear the strains of a fast game were having an effect on the irish as they clearly struggled under the relentless Berlin sun, as the Germans responded with a quick four goal reply they were often scoring into an empty net unchallenged. Worse was to come as Eoin and Brian both seemed to be carrying injuries, communication was breaking down as Eddy went on stupid runs that were going nowhere and the whole game was falling apart for the irish ending in an 9-5 loss.
Ammm... The game was nowhere as dramatic as made out above --> basically we had better skills than them but we were all hopelessly fucked tired and basically they took us apart.
Ahh.. The night you ask --> well it began okay, i hadn't drank until we arrived in the Dubliner and was feeling quite okay. Went into the Dubliner and the night was grand, there was a one man band on and his singing was pleasant to the ear ( well at least it wasn't as bad as the night before. I spent a lot of the night talking to Damien on our own near the bar, then eventually we got a table on our own.
At some point, during this the word Jagermeister was mentioned (see previous page), met by gasps of OH NO! Not again. It must have taken at least 2mins to decide that maybe i should, anyway Eddy bought two and we drank them back. Jagermeister = lovely drink, so then i had to have another (I reckon the Jagermeister caused the initiation ceremony outside the Dubliner).
Noticed Eoin drinking some weird cocktail he called a Paddy Murphy. At some point now Eddy had got talking to two German girls and was moreorless talking shite, i had to get involved then but my ability to talk shite wasn't as good because i can't speak German that well. There was a lot of piss-taking going on (us of the girls,eoin of Eddy "TELL THEM YOU ARE AN ASTRONAUT EDDY", the girls of my name etc.), singing of songs and more drinking --> anyway the Manager bought us a vodka-tiamaria concotion as Eoin put it best Diesel fuel (it was actually quite nice).
First you breath out, open the hatch, drop back the drink and quickly breath in and BY GOD!! you do feel it! ...burning your insides (I cant imagine it was good for you, but it was an expierience that had to be well .... expierienced!!). Anyway, it soon was time to go, during the session, word of a pub called the BLA BLA had been mentioned (yes i did say BLA BLA) and it was time to go.
Outside, the lads were making a phone call, and i decided that an initiation ceremony was the order of the night, so i duly relieved myself in a DEUTSCHE TELEKOM telephone box, the same company I am working for.
We ended up in the BLA BLA, but Mr. Sandman had decided that i had drank enough and the bastard was forcing my eyes shut. All I really remember of BLA BLA was these cluster of painting in the corner of the wall, and weirdly on the ceiling as well. I later found out in the morning that there some people got shot and the paintings were there to cover the bullet holes. There was also a lot of queers there but I am kinda used to that now.
MORAL OF THIS WEEKEND: IF YOU'RE IRISH, THEN DRINK WHEN YOU ARE OUT BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES US WHEN WE ARE DRUNK
Reason for this:
1.God invented various forms of alcohol so that every irish people can enjoy alcohol.
2.Why do you think they call us the fighting irish!!, because we are always drunk, and getting overly emotional.
3.Because even if you are crap at conversation, when you are drunk you are an instant expert in bullshit and people do seem to really listen to you
IF PERSON != IRISH THEN
IF DRINK-INTAKE > 10 DRINKS THEN
PERSON == BORING WANKER
ELSE
PERSON == BORING
END IF
ELSE IF PERSON == IRISH THEN
IF DRINK-INTAKE > 10 DRINKS THEN
PERSON == GREAT CRAIC
PERSON == SPEAK("A LOAD OF SHITE")
OTHERS == THINK("MOST AMAZING PERSON THEY HAVE EVER MET")
OTHERS == THINK("PERSON == GREAT CRAIC")
PERSON == SPEAK("I WILL HAVE A HANGOVER IN THE MORNING BUT I DONT GIVE A SHIT")
IF FRIENDS > 1 THEN
DRINK >= "rest of money"
ELSE
DRINK == "rest of money" - "money to get home"
END IF
ELSE
PERSON = BORING
END-IF
END IF
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This page was designed by Eoin O'Connell