(Crap) Dopey Drummer Jokes
A drummer strolls into a shop,
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a
Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
Why to bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There
are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The
first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon
Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The
customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why
would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists'
for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts
the bulb in the socket for him.
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to
play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in,
approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there
and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies
"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the
radiator's got to stay".
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
A guy walks into a shop.
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation.
As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant
sound of drumming coming from the island.
As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees
how long the drumming will go on.
The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and
is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native
when the drumming will stop.
The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant.
"Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up,
grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts
"What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?"
("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
(Hmmm... that inspires a turnaround variation...)
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical
and uninspired.
I lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would
like some musican brains.
"Alright" he says, "What kind?".
"How much do they cost?" she asks.
"Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are french horns
at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies.
"What are those way back there?" she asks.
"Those are drummers brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies.
"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"
"Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of
brains?!?!".
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A really dumb gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump )
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked
his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. Unlike he had expected, Heaven is
essentially a really long hallway with doors on either side, each with a
short IQ range listed on it. Inside, he learns, the rooms are perfectly
tailored so that the conversation will match the intelligence of the people
in them.
He opens the 170 door. "Well," comes the conversation inside, "I've always
found Fourier transforms to be a rather limited way of interconverting what
are fundamentally..."
SLAM. Too rich for him. He heads down the hall a bit to the 115 zone and
opens the door. "I just read 'Generation X'," comes a voice, "and though
Coupland doesn't do too badly in identifying his generation's fundamental
angst, I was a bit confused by..."
SLAM. Not bad, but now the man was getting curious, and wanted to see what
was further down the scale. He tries 95. "Hey, did you read the paper
today? Says interest rates will go up again..."
SLAM. How about 60? "Huh. Thought 'Married With Children' last night was
pretty funny. Didn't get the bit about the hooters, though..."
SLAM. It was getting pretty bad. He tried 35. The people inside were
looking at one another and drooling.
Finally, he came to the one marked with a 10. He hesitated, fearing what he
would see when he opened the door. But he did, seeing only two guys inside.
"So," one said to the other, "what size sticks do you use?"
a variation on the last one
Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to
anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think
so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys."
"Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first
salesman, "Here, this one."
This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit
and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?"
"190."
So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and
Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to
go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a
baseball cap worn backwards.
The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?"
"About 100."
So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars,
and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the
back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and
shorts.
The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
"About 60."
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
A: Drool.
Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
| 
