VERONICA MARS - SEASON TWO QUOTES (SPOILERS!)

[#1 Normal is the Watchword]

Normal. That's the watchword. Sounds good, doesn't it? Senior year begins tomorrow and all appears hunky dory. Best friend? Check. Boyfriend? Check. Lilly's killer behind bars? Check.
        - Veronica's opening voiceover

"I guess it's true what they say about you then, huh?"
"Probably, but you're going to have to narrow it down for me."
        - Kelvin and Veronica

"Logan, there's something that you need to know about your dadó"
        - Veronica

"Think it's a conspiracy?"
"This is Neptune. Nothing happens accidentally."
"Well you were wrong about the drug test. One 09er did fail."
"Who?"
"You're not gonna believe it, either."
"I'm not the one who's easily shocked."
"Meg."
        - Wallace and Veronica

Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"Got any enemies you know about?"
"...I guess that leaves everybody that hates you."
        - Veronica and Wallace

I'll say this: there was something much easier about having a secret relationship. But I guess, from now on, that's next to impossible.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

Logan and Duncan don't speak anymore. I guess that's what happens when your best friend starts dating your ex.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

Tensions in Neptune are the highest they've ever been between the haves and the have-notsÖ 09ers and non-09ers. And guess who the lightning rod is?
        - Veronica, voiceover as Logan walks in

"I know a twenty-four-year-old floozie who thinks you're hot."
"This floozie, did you get her digits?"
"Hey, alright, now don't make me have to go home and tell my momma."
"Wallace, your mom and I have an understanding."
"You do?"
"Yes, and it's this: I behave myself and she doesn't leave me. So please, tell her nothingÖ other than I worship the ground on which she treads."
"I'm leaving now."
"'Ground on which she treads.' You might want to write that down."
        - Veronica, Keith and Wallace

"I was wondering where we were drawing that ethical line this year."
        - Wallace, roped in by Veronica

"I should go, because my dad is probably watching us through a telescope."
"He's probably impressed with your virtue."
"And that telescope is mounted on a rifle."
        - Veronica and Logan

"What I'm trying to say is I'm in love with you."
"The things guys will say to get past second base."
        - Logan and Veronica

"...who wants to tour Shark Field tomorrow."
"Wow. I can't believe you're going."
"I like baseball."
"Yeah, but you don't like people."
        - Veronica and Wallace

I suppose it's true. In Neptune these days, you're forced to choose sides.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"My sister's negotiating with networks to sell her version of the Aaron Echolls story. I think the sticking point is she's insisting she play herself. Producers, on the other hand, are insisting on Tara Reid."
"Trina wasn't even around."
"Who do you suppose cares? I've always wanted a TV movie version of my life. Hey, think they can get Tom Welling to play me?"
       - Logan and Veronica

"Well, as much as I enjoy the company of men, I've got other plans tonight."
        - Logan to Cassidy and Dick

So yeah, my love life got a bit complicated this summer, but it sorted itself out nicely.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

You're coming on the field trip? I figured you and the other Jets would be rumbling with the Sharks.
        - Duncan to Logan

"Hey, who's the lovely young flower blossoming into womanhood?"
        - Dick, spotting Gia

"I didn't know if you guys were doing, like, relaxed beachy, or the West Coast wannabe East Coast urban, so, FYI, itís not a statement. I'm just doing the new-school blend-in thing."
        - Gia, not exactly blending in

"We're not taking that stank-ass bus back to Neptune. My dad's sending a limo. Would you and your girlfriend, whose quick wit I find enchanting, like to take the trip back in style?"
        - Dick to Duncan and Veronica

"All right, Duncan, I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna go try and talk to Meg one more time. You ride in the limo because I think it's gonna be easier if we're not together."
"You don't owe her anything. You didn't do anything to her."
"You are so not a girl."
        - Veronica and Duncan

"So, did you like your taste? Your little year of living dangerously? Did you get your fill? As soon as they'll have you back, you go running to the 09ers. And as a little bonus, you give it up to the richest boys in school."
        - Weevil to Veronica

This is Neptune. Nothing happens accidentally.
        - Veronica's closing voiceover

[#2 Driver Ed]

If a school bus, traveling forty miles per hour drives off a cliff and plunges ninety feet into the jagged coastline how many seconds did the six high school students, their teacher, and bus driver have to contemplate the fact that they're about to die? Two Mississippis' worth of screams, life flashes, and prayers, maybe?
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"You have to stop torturing yourself."
"I'm not torturing myself. I'm experiencing an appropriate degree of guilt."
        - Duncan and Veronica

"It's eight o'clock, when do you plan on getting up?"
"The plan was two hours ago; the reality is another forty minutes."
        - Terrence and Jackie

Ed Doyle's saint toss wasn't a sign he was turning his back on God. He just needed change for the phone, so he bought the cheapest thing he could find. But who did he call and why doesn't anyone know about it?
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"You need focus, precision, the ability to only think about the task at hand. When I'm working, my family doesn't exist. Does that sound awful? It's not, because when I'm with my family, work doesn't exist."
        - Dick Casablancas

"Dude, have you forgotten I live alone."
"Yeah, but only psycho chicks want to go out at Casa de Killer."
        - Logan and Dick

"Slow night?"
"Ah, not bad. Busy enough to not get bored, slow enough to do my homework."
        - Wallace makes small talk with a customer

You know the charge that goes up your spine at moment of epiphany? It just hit me. I'm not gonna let the list of things I want to do before I die turn into a list of regrets.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

Okay, I know my father is a brilliant detective with a keen intuition and a finely-tuned BS detector, but there is no way he can tell that I've had sex. Right?
        - Veronica (voiceover)

Veronica Mars.
        - A message in a bottle for Veronica

[#3 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang]

Maybe I should consider a career as a Neptune trophy wife?
        - Veronica (voiceover)

You're not gonna hear about the dead man with my name on his hand, because I like being able to leave the house without an armed escort.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"Veronica, it's no big deal, just what guys do sometimes."
"I don't think Colin Firth gets into these pointless fisticuffs. A pistol duel, maybe..."
        - Duncan and Veronica, after Duncan's fight with Logan

This is Logan with today's inspirational message. "To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best." William M. Thackeray.
        - Logan's phone message

"It was meant for me."
        - Veronica, coming to a conclusion

[#4 Green Eyed Monster]

"Julie, stand down. He's not cheating on you. He's with a rabbi."
"A rabbi? He's not Jewish. I'm Jewish."
"Are you there yet?"
        - Veronica and Julie

"Hey, buddy, whatcha doing?"
"Veronica, are you in immediate life-threatening danger?"
"At this precise moment, no."
"Then I'm hanging up."
        - Veronica and Wallace

"Miss Pixie-Stick."
        - Jackie's name for Veronica

"Do you own those clothes, or did you make a stop at Dirty Coeds-R-Us? ...go Lolita his ass."
        - Wallace, as Veronica goes undercover

Mental note: don't mention partner's ex-girlfriend if one expects to fool around. And while we're on the subject of men I failed to seduce today, time to see what Colin likes to google...
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"I have to say, it is a little comforting. I haven't snuck out of my house at three AM in a while."
        - Mac, on a mission for Veronica

When your mom's an alcoholic, you spend a lot of time looking at bottles.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

You both wanted to be sure you were loved for who you really were. And it seems that one of you was.
        - Veronica, about Julie and Colin (voiceover)

"My day is complete. Veronica Mars has accused me of evil. Hm. Where to start? Oh yes, who the hell is Curly Moran? And how do you know he knows my dad and what conspiracy theory have you pulled out of your ass this time?
        - Logan

"Of course, a group of lower-middle class Neptune High students plummet to their death and the 09ers throw a party."
"Hence the Life Short part. It was in their honor and in the end, it wasn't just your social betters. In fact, your pal, Weevil, and his biker boys crashed it."
        - Veronica and Logan

[#5 Blast From the Past]

"Veronica Mars! Saving the world one pointless act at a time."
        - Logan

"It's really all about the after party. The dance itself is more like a means to an end."
        - Cora, looking forward to Homecoming

Blingo.
        - Veronica, on the lookup for someone dolled up to the nines

"So I was thinking. You're an emancipated minor, I'm an emancipated minor. Maybe we should get together Thursday night?"
        - Duncan to Logan

"You know, if anyone finds out about this, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."
"If I tell anyone, I won't blame you."
        - Cora and Veronica, discussing Cora's secret job

"It's weird that you live here. I don't want you going all Howard Hughes-y on me."
        - Veronica, visiting Duncan's hotel room

"Tell me more of this thing you call 'Homecoming'."
" I haven't asked you yet."
"Mmm-mmm."
"I'm such a dope."
        - Veronica and Duncan

"The one who sticks with you is the one who cares."
        - Veronica to Wallace, about parents

Apparently, the dead are looking out for the shallow.
        - Veronica, watching a 'psychic' in action

"Wait. I am receiving another voice... Lilly? She has a message for you. She says, you should have stayed away from her boyfriend."
        - Madame Sophie to Veronica

"It's your world, I just live in it."
        - Wallace to Veronica

[#6 Rat Saw God]

Instead of a best friend, I've got an email address that won't write back.
        - Veronica, after Wallace leaves (voiceover)

"You're out of cocktail weenies, and I'm out of cocktail."
"We're out of gin."
"I'm not particular... (hears results going badly) ...Whatever it is, make it a double."
        - Cliff and Veronica

"Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals..."
        - Logan, picked out at an identity parade

"So: chip, how 'bout you thank me by takin' the old block's advice? Get a new lawyer."
        - Cliff, to Logan and Aaron

"Did you come all the way out here just to give me that tough guy speech?"
"No, I came all the way out here to show how easily I can get to you."
        - Aaron and Keith

[#7 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner]

"Seriously, though, I was reading 'Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide', and we should come up with, like, some kind of code word for when you guys are feeling frisky and, uh, don't want to be disturbed."
"Like 'scram'?"
"I was thinking 'awkward'. But scram's good. Or 'amscray'."
        - Logan and Veronica, after he walks in on her and Duncan

"Honestly, how much easier would your life be if you were indifferent to me?"
        - Logan to Veronica

"I think they call it a part-time job. It's when you do this thing called work, and strangers pay you instead of the Allowance Fairy."
"Ah, the Allowance Fairy. Elusive in Neptune outside the 09er zip."
        - Duncan and Veronica

"I am a working single mother, Veronica. The last thing I need is a babysitter. I need a clone."
        - Ms Hauser

"The only time I get to act like your mother is when your father's not around to stop me."
        - The former Mrs Casablancas

"Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late: Ben Frankin."
        - Logan's latest ansaphone message

"Doesn't this mean anything to you?"
"It does. It means I'm getting laid. And I owe your village a goat."
        - Kendall and Logan

[#8 Ahoy Mateys!]

"Sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store."
        - Veronica

"You're being a jackass. Must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you're kissing my ass for a favour."
"Well you find out why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix and I will make sure that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar."
        - Veronica and Logan

"I've had a very bad year."
        - Logan

"Why must you make the tech support people cry?"
        - Veronica to Keith

"Look, I'm happy to be the Q to your Bond, but crime pays. Technologically-assisted mystery solving? Costs."
        - Mac to Veronica

"He can't be that rich and that pleasant without harbouring a dark secret."
        - Captain Krunk's take on Duncan

"Wait, what if nerd hunters drive by and tranq and tag me?"
        - Veronica, on a mission with Mac

"Potato-heads."
        - Weevil's description of the Fitzpatricks

Camp SelfQuest... Not to be mistaken for the elf-hunting camp of a similar name.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

[#9 My Mother, The Fiend]

"It's an animatronic parental lifestyle simulator."
        - Duncan, describing the fake plastic baby

"Now. Find a partner, pick a baby."
"Ooh. Aren't we supposed to have a shot of tequila first?"
        - Ms Hauser and Veronica

"More alphabetising, less cold-casing."
        - Clemmons, with a mission for Veronica

"Veronica. I see that Mr Clemmons is failing in his prime directive."
"What's that?"
"Keeping you out of my face."
        - Principal Moorehead and Veronica

"Three words: Evan. Rachel. Wood. She's gonna play you in 'The Aaron Echolls Story'!"
        - Trina to Veronica

"Well, if I had known you were throwing yourself at my roommate I'd have raced home."
        - Logan to Kendall

"The girl does love a good exit line."
        - Logan, as Trina leaves

"Look, kid. I have worked very hard to over the years to avoid working. Now you want to give me a job? I know nothing about sales."
"Sure you do. That's all you know."
        - Kendall and Cassidy

"We have something in common now: we both need to find out who killed Felix."
"So what, we team up? Get matching capes, I ride shotgun in a sidecar?"
"Somethin' like that, but not yet. You see, I can't let you leave here lookin' the way you did when you walked in. Not if I don't want to end up some bald guy with tattoos who rides the school bus."
"Well, I hope you don't just expect me to stand here and take it."
"Wouldn't be much fun if you did."
"All right, so who's gonna throw the firstó<bam>"
        - Weevil and Logan, about to put on a genuine performance

I can't pretend I'm righting a wrong. I'm not rescuing a housekeeper. Be honest with yourself, Veronica you just can't stand Celeste Kane and you want to see her humiliated.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

"Are you keeping a dead rat in our freezer, or do we have a slam-dunk lawsuit against the processed food industry?"
"I found it on the bus... It was duct-taped under one of the back seats."
"It was a message. For me, I'm the rat."
"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe it was someone else on the bus."
        - Veronica and Keith

"You read Machiavelli this summer, didn't you?"
        - Veronica, realising she's been played by Clemmons

[#10 One Angry Veronica]

"Don't worry. I do this for all my boyfriends ó I know. I'm amazing."
        - Veronica, sneaking Duncan into the hospital

"I'm sorry, I was looking for my apartment, but I seem to have stumbled upon some sort of magical winter wonderland instead. Why, perhaps this elf can help me."
        - Keith, after Veronica decks the apartment with festive cheer

"Thanks for doing all this, honey."
"Thank the three energy drinks. Merry Christmas, pops."
        - Keith and Veronica

"I don't know if you've made plans for college, but I think you'd fit right in at Hearst."
"Stay here, in Neptune?"
"Well, we won't be moving the university."
"I'd really kinda planned on having my car packed and running during graduation ceremonies, just to kinda beat the rush out of Neptune."
        - College Professor and Veronica

"It's not always easy doing the right thing."
"If that phrase isn't on the Mars family crest, it should be."
        - Keith and Veronica

[#11 Donut Run]

"Hi-ho, it's off to work you go."
"I guess that makes me Snow White."
"You must be on your way up to see Mopey."
"How's he doing, Sleazy?"
"Wouldn't know, he doesn't come out of his room. Old Italian ladies don't grieve like this."
        - Logan and Veronica, discussing Duncan

"Leave me alone, I'm wallowing."
        - Veronica, listening to the Dawson's Creek theme song

"Right. Next question in the Search Engine Olympics. Contestants, get ready. What is the varsity boys' basketball team's record in district play? Go!"
        - Coach Preppernau, teaching a computer class as only he can

"You played *me*, Veronica!"
"I had to."
"I love you. I'll always love you. But I don't know how I'll ever trust you again."
        - Keith and Veronica

"Hey, Lilly. Daddy's here. Everything's gonna be all right."
        - Duncan, driving off into the sunset

[#12 Rashard and Wallace go to White Castle]

"My boyfriend just fled the country with his dead ex-girlfriendís baby. I need a project."
        - Veronica

"How did you guys even meet?"
"At church. St. Maryís."
"Of course. The only place the micks and the spics ever get together without someone getting punched."
        - Weevil and Molly Fitzpatrick

"Do you know what any words actually mean?"
        - Veronica to Wallace

"During the election I did a thing you wonít approve of, and now I have a tape you should hear."
        - Veronica to Keith

"Isnít this a very odd coincidence?"
        - Veronica, 'bumping' into Logan and Weevil

"What does a dead rat do?"
"Besides smell?"
"A dead ratís only talent ó it smells. Bad enough to drive anyone who could afford another ride off the bus."
        - Keith and Veronica

It always was a weird coincidence. The rich kids lived, the poor kids died.
        - Veronica (voiceover)

Do I feel guilty? Yes. Fortunately, thatís what this place was made for.
        - Veronica, in church, (voiceover)

"Where have you been?"
"Nowhere. But if God asks, I was with you."
        - Wallace and Veronica

"What fraternity did you say this was?"
"Alpha Rho something."
"Alpha Rho Nu? A black fraternity... Part of us isnít blending in."
        - Wallace and Veronica

[#13 Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough]

"We all saw her, lurking around."
"Lurking? Uh, you mean, standing while black?"
        - Madison and Jackie

"You know, there are plenty of people with notorious parents who turn out to be decent people. Don't think you have an excuse."
        - Ms Hauser to Jackie

"You know your case must really suck if your prime suspect is a six year-old."
        - Weevil to Veronica

"I couldn't help but notice that you are separated from the herd. And I'm concerned, you know, predators and all that."
"Well, I can take care of myself."
"Well that's a shame."
        - Logan, breaking the ice with Hannah

"You're like the hot daughter of a king he marries off to get, like, Denmark or something."
"You mean a princess."
"You know I'm only ever going to call you princess now."
        - Logan and Hannah

"We marked your words before, and I donít know if you know this, but they formed this, like totally false accusation..."
        - Veronica to Madison

"Got a funny story for you. I call it 'How Weevil got his new car'."
        - Veronica to Weevil

"Remember that whole thing with Nancyís number on the fifty dollar bill? Yeah, I made it up."
"You got some skill, girl."
        - Veronica and Weevil

[#14 Versatile Toppings]

"Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?"
        - Veronica

"Sorry to blow your mind, but I'm a lesbian, Veronica."
"Oh...well...that's cool."
"Only when you're in college."
        - Kylie and Veronica

"You were in the casino that day? Possibly when the bus crashed? That's great news. Casinos happen to be the most photographed places on earth."
        - Keith to Terrence

"You gotta learn to leave me alone."
"And here, I thought we were getting to be pals."
"Please. You date Logan, he's nailed for murder. You date Duncan, he's wanted for kidnapping. You get put on Robbie and Hunter's jury, they get sent to Chino. You're like rich-dude kryptonite, Veronica. This rich dude wants no part of it."
        - Dick and Veronica

"We're all coconuts. That's what you get called in Neptune when you're Latino and date white people or join Honor Society. Get it? Like Twinkies and Oreos, except that we're brown on the outside..."
        - Carmen to Veronica

"My first girlfriend was murdered. My last girlfriend nearly got shotgunned by a PCHer drive-by. I mean, color me crazy, but I see a pattern. I'm trying to protect you."
        - Logan to Hannah

"You can't threaten me, you little punk."
"Wouldn't be here if you couldn't be threatened."
        - Griffith and Logan

"So are you ready to be the bait, Corny?"
"Hell, yeah. No one's better. I'm what you'd call a 'master bait'."
        - Veronica and Corny

"I need you to get me into a restricted website... What's the problem? You set it up, didn't you?"
        - Veronica, bumping into a problem with Mac

"Ryan, we caught the mugger. He doesn't have the cranial resources to spell blackmail, let alone perform it."
        - Veronica

"What are you doing?"
"That depends, what are you gonna let me do?"
        - Hannah and Logan, stealing a moment

"You wanna know why I do it? Because I wanna survive high school, okay?"
        - Kelly, on why he stays in the closet

[#15 The Quick and the Wed]

"Veronica saw them first-hand."
"Oh, well, if Veronica saw them. I mean that's like Moses bringing tablets down the mountain to me."
        - Keith and Sheriff Lamb

"Today, the youngest Echolls is, like his old man, awaiting trial, accused in the stabbing death of a local gang member, a murder that took place on the infamous Coronado Bridge..."
"That's who you're dating?"
        - Hannah's Mom catches a news story about Logan

"I know. I'm awful. What kind of mother would prohibit her daughter from dating a boy who's awaiting trial for manslaughter?"
"Almost all patenting books eschew the use of sarcasm with adolescents so, you know."
        - Steph and Hannah

"What have I told you about thinking?"
"That it makes my breasts smaller?"
        - Beaver and Kendall

"Have you ever considered that maybe I'm the clever one? That this delightful packaging is a means to outwitting my adversary?"
"Consider it? I'm banking on it."
"But have you considered that, um, you're my adversary? My name's on everything, right?"
"Oh yes it is."
        - Kendall and Beaver

"Let's not freak out until there's something concrete to freak out about."
"You mean like finding her car abandoned in the middle of nowhere?"
"Yeah, like that."
        - Veronica and Wallace

"So, what did the sheriff's department say?"
"Nothing that inspires confidence."
        - Wallace and Veronica

"Come on, have a beer. We'll let you roll a frame."
"Vinnie, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules."
        - Vinnie and Veronica

"Let's get out of here, go to your place."
"I know the words coming out of your mouth are 'go to your place', but all I hear is 'Let's have sex.'"
        - Hannah and Logan

"I'm confused. You're talking and your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you really came over here to try and sell me real estate."
        - Logan to Kendall

"I think I've done something horrible."
        - Logan to Veronica

[#16 The Rapes of Graff]

"Youíre a really sweet girl, butÖ Iím not a sweet guy."
"Look, if this is really some kind of joke please tell me the punch line soon. 'Cause I could really use the laugh about now."
        - Logan and Hannah

"So, youíre blonde Ė thirty points. And a natural, too, another twenty. You are super-cute, fifty points. And youíre kind of, like, sassy..."
"So, if someone were to have sex with me, theyíd walk away with 210 points?"
        - Frat Guy and Veronica

"Maybe I wanted to demonstrate that I really had changed."
"So, youíre no longer evil. Youíre stupid. Congratulations."
        - Troy and Veronica

"So, chivalry isnít dead. Just canít fight. Yeah, letís go."
        - Stacy, after Troy's inept attempt to help Veronica

Gone on puzzling errand. Back later. Dad.
        - Keith's note for Veronica

"You did laundry at three in the morning? Why would the cops be suspicious of that? God, Troy."
"Look, yes, we went upstairs and fooled around. Strictly PG13. And then she pukes all over me..."
        - Veronica and Troy

"You must be on good terms with the Neptune Grand security people."
"When my daughter dated a billionaireís kid living alone in the presidentís suite, me and the security guys got pretty tight."
        - Cliff and Keith

"I just want some biblical justice."
        - Stacy

"I want to emphasize, this should not be construed as coercion. Weíre just showing you a picture."
"Thatís Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter."
"So, what, this isn't blackmail? Sheís 18. Thatís legal."
"Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election."
        - Cliff and Keith do not blackmail Sheriff Lamb

"If I wanted to find a Hawaiian girl, where would I start?"
"In Hawaii? Iím so-- I donít understand what you..."
        - Veronica and Dean, with some "Arrested Development" humor

"What does this mean, CL?"
"Oh, uh, thatís a score. Itís 150 in roman numerals. Itís a Pi Sig thing. They have, like, a, you know, a contest for scoring girls or something."
        - Veronica and Dean

"Youíre a real friend."
"How about we just call me an acquaintance with reservations?"
        - Troy and Veronica

"Thatís Veronica Mars. Making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come here next year, youíve already got enemies. Just feel right at home."
        - Wallace to Veronica

[#17 Plan B]

"I need your help."
"If I had fifty bucks every time someone said that..."
"Look, I know it's a drag being you andó"
"No, seriously, I'm gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening."
        - Weevil and Veronica

"But you beat him anyway?"
"No, I saved his life. My boys wanted to send him off a cliff behind the Road Hog."
        - Veronica and Weevil

"Thumper's gonna go down for what he did to Felix one of two ways. Either the law's gonna handle it, or I will. You want it done right, then help me get the proof."
        - Weevil to Veronica

"When my mom started getting wrinkles around her eyes and she could see the end of her modeling career coming, her new career became landing a wealthy man."
        - Jackie

"You know, I'm not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off you're officially a bad boy."
        - Veronica to Logan

"This serves as a pre-emptive apology for the conversation that's about to take place."
        - Mac to Veronica

"Look up Eli Navarro. There's gotta be something outstanding we can book him on."
"Well, if I did it, it's outstanding."
        - Sheriff Lamb and Weevil

"Imagine how helpful that recording would be if was obtained legally. Not to mention an actual confession."
"Note the absence of a silver platter. This was more to steer you in the right direction than to, say, do your job for you."
        - Sheriff Lamb and Veronica

"You know, an 09er could come in here with tea leaves and a ouija board and they'd send out a SWAT team. It's time for Plan B."
"Not just yet, Dirty Harry."
"In case you haven't noticed, I ain't no mick cop."
"Uh...okay. Dirty Sanchez?"
        - Weevil and Veronica

"Don't worry, gang, if she's a two at ten, she'll be a ten at two."
        - Logan, with Gina at the dance

"Wallace, the girl you're trying to make me right now is the girl that I'm trying really hard not to be. So...knock it off."
        - Jackie

"If you sit here, it proves that I'm the man-eating bitch who snatched you from one of the sweetest girls in school. I won't have that. Now go."
        - Jackie to Wallace, after he walks away from Jane

"When I dreamed of this moment, I've Had the Time of My Life was always playing. Well, what can you do."
        - Logan, slow dancing with Veronica

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a long, long time since my last confession."
        - Weevil

[#18 I AM GOD]

"My sister gave my computer files to Duncan, not you. Those are my personal, intimate...wait. Forgot. I'm dead. In Veronicaland, no pulse, no privacy."
        - Meg, in Veronica's dreams

"Did you watch 'House of Wax' again? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares."
        - Keith to Veronica

I Know Who You Did Last Summer.
        - Veronica's computer message for Dick

"Dick was horrible to Betina. He treated her like a free hooker. I know, she let him, but it's my friendial obligation to blame it all on him."
        - Maureen to Veronica

"You don't like me much, do you?"
"The last time we actually talked, you were bashing Veronica's headlights with a crowbar."
        - Logan and Wallce

"Wallace, have you met my fluffer?"
        - Logan, as his nighttime maid walks in

"You were dressed in that exact, snazzy outfit which, if I'm not mistaken, is your dating uniform."
        - Veronica to Keith

"Veronica, I think that when you get out in the world a little more, you'll, you'll discover that not all well-dressed, articulate, detail-oriented men are gay. Many of them are just Asian."
        - Mr. Wu

"You're asking the wrong question. All right. Maybe a better question is why was I even on the bus? Why would I even be interested in going to a baseball stadium? Huh? Mull that one over for a while, okay?"
        - Peter, in Veronica's dream

[#19 NEVER MIND THE BUTTOCKS]

"Why don't I have a cell phone interceptor?"
"Please, respect the business model, Veronica. I do the gadgets. You do the actual espionage."
        - Veronica and Mac

"The explosion didn't kill those people. The drop into the ocean did."
        - Veronica

"You really think any of those 09ers was worth all that effort to me?"
"Logan was."
"He wasn't even there."
"He was supposed to be. Are you telling me you wouldn't off the guy who killed Felix?"
        - Weevil and Veronica

"They were sleeping together? That was weeks before Kendall's husband fled the country."
"Logan may be a little fuzzy on the Commandments."
        - Keith and Veronica

"I tried. It doesn't work. You want us to do this platonic thing, you gonna have to make some adjustments."
"Like what? What do you want me to do, Wallace? My burkha's at the cleaners."
        - Wallace and Jackie

"I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake deer faces I wanna grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em."
        - Veronica to Harry

"It belonged to Thumper."
"Belonged? Interesting use of the past tense."
        - Weevil and Veronica

"Cervando. I loved the guy, but he was book-smart and street-dumb."
        - Weevil

"I leave the day after graduation. What does that give us, five weeks? Just enough time to get our hearts broken? There's no happy ending out there for us."
        - Jackie to Wallace

"I did make copies. Lots of 'em. And the day I go missing is the day they go public. Might wanna keep that in mind."
"You might wanna watch your back."
"Why? You're gonna be watching it for me."
        - Weevil and Liam Fitzpatrick

[#20 LOOK WHO'S STALKING]

"I dedicated it to this table of cute guys, but then I realised they weren't cute. They were dweb Pan High guys and not the nice nerd kind but the weird, creepy..."
        - Gia to Veronica

"Well, there was this one girl. She was uh, blonde, petite. Smelled of marshmallows and promises."
"Promises? Thatís the name of my perfume!"
        - Logan, toying with Veronica

"Wow, you and your drunk 09er buddies get the prom cancelled, and then use your inherited wealth to throw a private prom."
"When you say it like that it sounds unjust."
        - Veronica and Logan

"The rich kids are throwing a private replacement prom."
"Damn, they're just privatizing everything these days."
        - Veronica and Wallace

"It's like a conspiracy."
"It's a good thing we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in school knows you."
"Bring on the sorority girls!"
        - Dick and Logan

"Mac, you really do lookó"
"Don't distract me. I'm planning how to kill you and make it look like an accident."
        - Veronica and Mac, at the alterna prom

"I can't imagine what that's like. Can you? Being on the Lamb? Think you'd just want to close your eyes and pray for it all to end. You'd have the cops crawling all over you. Right? What do you think, Madison?"
        - Veronica to Madison

"So what are you like now?"
"You know. Tortured. Ever since I had my heart broke."
"Hannah really did do a number on you, huh?"
"Come on, you know I'm not talking about Hannah... I thought our story was epic, you know? You and me."
"Epic how?"
"Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic. But summer's almost here. And we won't see each other at all. Then you'll leave town then...it's over."
        - Veronica and Logan

"Come on. Ruined lives, bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?"
"No one writes songs about the ones that come easy."
        - Veronica and Logan

"I don't want to lose you from my life either."
        - Veronica, the morning after

"Last night was kind of a blur..."
        - Logan to Veronica

[#21 HAPPY GO LUCKY]

"It's a very powerful thing when someone sees you as the person that you wish you were."
        - Aaron, about Lily

"Saved someone's life. Can't talk. Studying."
        - Veronica, updating Wallace

"Do you know how long I've wanted to go to Stanford?"
"Since middle school."
"Elementary, my dear Wallace... Do you have any idea how long I've waited to say that?"
        - Veronica and Wallace

"I need your help with something... I need your help with, you know, algebra."
"Like...the math?"
        - Weevil and Veronica

"So you know quadratic equations, right?"
"Do I look like someone who knows quadratic equations, huh?"
        - Cassidy and Weevil

"So, if you have his password..."
"Which I do. I looked over his shoulder once when he was signing on."
"He should know: you never log in with a Mars nearby."
        - Veronica and Keith

"Most adults don't have their children doing espionage work for them."
        - Woody to Keith

"Been to any good murder trials lately? I want to ask you about something."
"How unlike you. You never come to me out of the blue with some random question."
        - Veronica and Logan

"I just wanted to say...it was worth getting taped to a pole. Gonna miss you."
        - Wallace (aww!) to Veronica

[#22 NOT PICTURED]

"It's a stocked hunting ranch, rich businessmen shooting captive birds."
"You think Woody's there?"
"I checked Google Earth. Satellite photos show a landing strip and a building big enough to hold a plane. I'm on a flight to Reno, leaving an hour after graduation."
"I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen."
"That's why I rarely go to Texas."
        - Keith and Veronica

"I can't decide if my life is going to be easier or more difficult with you gone. Anything I should know in case I get another one like you someday?"
"Don't keep all your passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool Mr C."
        - Clemmons and Veronica

"Whatever you told him, it really did the trick because he just got on a plane to Paris. The good news is, he's a four hour layover at JFK, so you can go tell him the truth before he's forced to endure several ugly days of rude waiters for nothing."
        - Veronica to Jackie

"Well, don't look so surprised. It's a small town. Now that I'm no longer in jail, we might just run into each other from time to time."
        - Aaron to Veronica

"I'm not gonna see you for a whole week. That's like a month."
        - Logan to Veronica

[# ABOUT THE SHOW]

"I know about Volchok. I saw you mauling him at the Bait shop and now you're shacking up with him at the trailer park."
"Wow, well arenít you a regular Veronica Mars? Way to solve this weeks mystery."
        - Summer and Marissa, from "The OC"

"While I have to give them major props for the execution, I'm not buying the concept. I get where they were trying to go, but while I think last year they found a good balance between not prematurely showing their hand and just the right amount of foreshadowing, this season they were too conservative and I don't think they properly set up this resolution from a character standpoint."
        - Misskiwi, from the discussion at MI.net of the finale

Like most fans, I had assumed that, in choosing the second season's overarching mystery, Rob Thomas and his writers would attempt to replicate the emotional resonance the the Lilly Kane murder investigation had for both Veronica and the show's viewers. The writers, however, deliberately provided us with a mystery that could do neither. Horrified and bereaved as she is by the deaths of eight people, Veronica is not motivated to investigate the bus crash--nor is there any realistic reason why she should be. The fact that we expect her to immediately launch into an investigation is indicative of a dissonance between the way that the show's viewers see Veronica and the way Veronica sees herself, which in my opinion is the root cause of many of the second season's problems. In other shows whose premise revolves around the main character's occupation or ability, the audience and the characters are on the same page. House knows that he's a doctor. Buffy knows that it's her destiny to save the world from monsters. Veronica doesn't know that she's a detective. She thinks of herself--perhaps quite accurately--as a teenage girl who sometimes does detective things, whether for money or in order to help her friends or simply to sate her curiosity, but it doesn't follow that she will investigate any mystery that crosses her path... For all its complexity, the first season's mystery eventually coalesced into a single story, the various plot strands linking into each other and forming a single narrative. In the second season, the plot fragments into a million strands, only a few of which end up having any significance to the bus crash investigation. The others are left flailing, or simply ignored out of existence -- such as the strong implication, early in the season, that the bus crash was motivated by class tensions...
Perhaps the most significant and troubling problem with the second season's plotting, however, is the fact that throughout the season the viewers almost always know more than Veronica. Whether because we know that we're watching a detective show--it takes Veronica several episodes to realize that the bus was sabotaged, whereas we had assumed as much at the end of "Normal is the Watchword"[10]--or because we are privy to information that Veronica isn't, or because she simply isn't interested in investigating the crash and therefore takes longer to arrive at certain conclusions about it, the show is constantly in contravention of the cardinal rule of detective fiction--the detective should always be smarter than us. Even more disturbing is the fact that the story ends with Veronica completely oblivious to entire plotlines that we know everything about--she doesn't know about Phoenix Land Trust[11], she doesn't know how Weevil killed Thumper, she doesn't know how Aaron managed to implicate Duncan in Lilly's murder, or who orchestrated Aaron's death, or even something as simple as why her father was visiting the school and going on dates in "I Am God". The detective should be our window to the world, but throughout the second season, Veronica is the least inquisitive and the least knowledgeable of an entire army of detectives--Keith, Logan, Weevil, Beaver, Duncan. Given that she's also the least emotionally available, the audience could be forgiven for wondering why this character is still the show's protagonist.
        - from Abigail's Nussbaum's "Asking the Wrong Questions" blog

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the rule of thumb use to be that the second season was when most television shows started to shine? If, that is, shining had ever been in the cards--most good television shows, I mean to say, only got good in their second season. The first season was where the groundwork was done, the characters and their voices and personalities established, the writers got their legs under them. Then the second season would come along and the shows would shoot to the stratosphere--The X-Files, Buffy, Angel, even Farscape. They all kept to that formula. So what's changed? I started watching four new television shows last year, and fell in love with them all - Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who & Veronica Mars. Four superb first seasons, which between them got me feeling hopeful about television again. And one by one, each of these shows has produced a disappointing second season. Not all of them were dismally disappointing--my reactions ran the gamut from 'screw this, I'm done' to 'but it's still better than 90% of what's on TV', but none of the seasons I've watched this year have excited and elated me as their predecessors did...
I think there is. I think it all comes down to that much-maligned staple of television writing, at least until a few years ago, formula. The shows I mentioned in this entry's first paragraph were all originally formula shows. They were products of the middle period in the transition towards novelistic television, when writers and viewers alike were marvelling at the discovery that a show that demanded loyalty, patience, and attentiveness from its viewers could thrive, but they were originally conceived as formula shows...
Newer shows, created in recent years, have skipped over that introductory period in which story is sublimated to formula--they were created with a story, not a concept, in mind. To my very great surprise, it turns out that that foundation of formula actually gifted the mid- and late-90s shows with a degree of durability that their early oughts counterparts don't have. When Joss Whedon wrapped up a storyline--yet another villain defeated, yet another emotional hurdle leaped--he had the show's basic concept to fall back on and use as a starting point for the next story. The newer shows' writers don't seem to have that broader understanding of the kind of story they want to tell--they have a story, and they don't know how to handle its ending. Lost abandoned its story half-told. Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who arrived at something like a stopping point and tried to regress into formula. Veronica Mars tried to find a happy medium between repeating itself and abandoning its genre and came up with something half-baked...
Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to my own choice of words--novelistic television. Novels end. Most of them don't have sequels, and when they do those sequels are usually inferior, and their sequels give increasingly diminished returns. The underlying cause of all these disappointing second seasons may simply be an incompatibility of format--we can have television novels, but perhaps not in the American network model.
        - Abigail Nussbaum, "Attack of the Sophomore Slump"

#

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