What Dreams are Made of

By Edna McCabe

Part 5 - Tragedy Strikes

Anyway life continued and soon I discovered I was pregnant again. I had no sickness at all this time and I was getting along fine until the last month when my feet had started to swell. Mary Neville, my friend, advised me to see the doctor and as a result it was decided that I should go hospital on the following Monday. So my mother and sister Grace came for the weekend with the intention of taking Grace junior back to Dublin with them. Then everything went unbelievably wrong.

When Martin, my mother and auntie Grace went off for a walk with Grace, I decide to have a bath. I remember my vision becoming blurred, I became dizzy and there was blood everywhere.

Our flat was over Mrs Fox's pub and I just managed to get downstairs a towel around me but, as it was Sunday, the pub was closed. I kept banging and banging. Finally Mrs Fox saw me and got me back up the stairs and onto the bed. She said, "Don't move", and managed to get help and she sent someone off looking for Martin. I'll never forget her. The doctor, a nurse and the ambulance arrived. Martin came just in time to carry me to the ambulance. He was shaking. He whispered, "I love you, and I'll follow by car." The other two were crying.

The next I knew was that I was in the labour ward of Mullingar Hospital with doctors, nurses and sister beside me. They were feeling the baby's heartbeat and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Suddenly it was all over and I didn't even know. I remember the priest arrived and I knew my little boy was gone. If only I had only been in hospital when all this happened. There were all those ifs and buts, but they made no difference. However, I know there is a bright star up there shining for my little one and me.

They told Martin he'd have to stay, as I was seriously ill. I had toxaemia of the kidneys and my whole system was closing down. I was delirious, my vision was gone, my kidneys were failing and I didn't know anyone. They stopped all visitors but there was a nurse beside me night and day. Great praise must go to Doctor Stanley and the nurses and staff who worked so hard to save me.

Poor Martin, I remember him holding my hand and saying, "Stay with me Edna", and in that dark world I couldn't even answer him. For four weeks it continued. Martin got special leave from the army and he wore a path to the hospital. In desperation he went to the doctor's house where the doctor explained to him that they were tying to get the kidneys working. During this time I saw a vision of Our Lord, Saint Joseph and Our Lady. Jesus spoke and said, "Your time hasn't come yet, and there's no reason for you to stay in hospital. You will live on for another reason".

Then one glorious day my kidneys started working. There was a junior nurse with me when the water started to come. It seemed like gallons of water to me. The nurse rang the bell and rushed for a vessel. The worst was over.

It took two more weeks for the swelling, my vision and my mind to get back to normal. My legs and arms were black and blue from all the injection and I had a huge abscess on my leg. They decided to operate on the day abscess burst. Doctor Stanley said I wasn't to be moved so I stayed in the private room until one day, six weeks later, I was ready to leave. Doctor Stanley really saved my life. .

Martin never once mentioned the baby except to tell me his bother Pat had made a small coffin and that he and Pat had buried it in the nearby cemetery. He said, "Let it be Edna, and let's go home." However, the saddest thing to happen to a woman is to lose a child that she has carried close to her heart for nine months. Time passes, one even learns to smile, and be happy again, but such a thing is never ever forgotten. Whenever I hear of a woman losing a baby, I say that she'll need love and support for a long time.

When I was in hospital Martin, my mother and the two Graces used Martin's mother's house, in Railway Terrace Mullingar as a base. However, were then all supposed to go on to Dublin. What I didn't know until later was that Grace junior was left behind in Mullingar. Martin's mother thought she'd be better off staying in contact with Martin, who by now had arranged a temporary transfer to Mullingar. Also, in Mullingar there was a garden for Grace to play in. I believe Grace use to look at my coat in the hall and say, "That's my mammy's coat and she's coming soon". In Mullingar her auntie Lauri used to read her bedtime stories and tell her about the baby. When she heard we hadn't got a baby she calmly said, "Next time we'll get one". (Nowadays three-year-olds know all about the baby in Mummy's tummy.)

Before I came out of hospital the family had arranged for me to go to Jack and Lucy's house in Mullingar, as they had a little single bed in their spare room. It was decided that Martin and Grace should stay with Martin's mother. However Martin wasn't having any of that and he came to me in my little room I burst out crying. My emotions always seem to let me down. "I'm not going anywhere", he said, and in just his underpants he squeezed in beside me. I was still far from well and it was as if he was giving comfort to a child. Martin's love was so pure, he said all he wanted to do was hold me and tell me how much he loved me. We slept in each other's arms all that night and we talked and cried. We decided we'd get back to Athlone as soon as possible and start all over again.

A few days later I walked to a nearby shop and bought a few things for Lucy. I was getting restless and I wanted to see how far I could walk. The next day I walked to Railway Terrace to see Grace. At that time she was in the garden with her granddad, who was planting cabbages. As quickly as he sowed a plant she walked behind him and pulled it up. When she saw me she flew towards me with her arms full of cabbages, as if I'd only been gone a day. I soon realised how wise it had been to leave her in Mullingar.