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DUBLIN 2004 - THE OLYMPIC BID

In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2004, the organisers of Dublin's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the university bike sheds and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the "country" (anywhere outside Dublin), on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joy riding, and arson.

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided, but competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.

SWIMMING
Competitors will be thrown off a bridge on the Liffey. The first three survivors back will decide the medals.

MENS 50 km WALK
Unfortunately, this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Dublin.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Tallaght 'Health in the Community' anti drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing and music by the Artane Boys Band and RTE Symphony Orchestra (if still in existence).
The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of flats next to the stadium.
The stadium will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.
I'd say it would be approved... What do you think??

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