DUBLIN 2004 - THE OLYMPIC BID
In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic
committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2004, the
organisers of Dublin's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and
schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the university bike sheds and
take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the
"country" (anywhere outside Dublin), on his first trip away from home.
All against the clock.
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the
Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joy
riding, and arson.
A safe route has yet to be decided, but competitors will be issued
with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way
round the course.
Competitors will be thrown off a bridge on the Liffey. The first three
survivors back will decide the medals.
MENS 50 km WALK
Unfortunately, this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot
guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Dublin.
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the
Tallaght 'Health in the Community' anti drug campaigners, synchronised
rock throwing and music by the Artane Boys Band and RTE Symphony
Orchestra (if still in existence).
The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old
washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of flats next
to the stadium.
The stadium will then be boarded up before the local athletes break
into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating
I'd say it would be approved...
What do you think??