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Classic Homer Simpson Quotes

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

To start press any key. Where's the anykey?

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

Oww, they have the internet on computers now.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.

The lesson is, never try.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Theres only one beer left and its Barts.

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again?
Homer: What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh...
yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.

Homer: But every time I learn
something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!

Oh, Lisa, you and your stories:
Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building...thingie... where our beds and TV... is.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge?
Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here.
(step step step step step...slam)
Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!

Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer:Okay, I will!

That dog has a puffy tail!

"You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

(Homer praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch).

What's the point of going out?
We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

"Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement."

When Lisa is reading the list of things Homer wants his group to accomplish:
Lisa : "... World domination???!!!"
Homer : "Oops! That must be a mistake."
Brain to Homer : "Mental note -- the girl knows too much."

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