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Joke Viruses & What They Do

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Windows NT Virus: Does not do anything at all unless you add another 16mb of RAM. This virus has been programmed into Windows NT and reflects the real performance.

Windows 3.1 Virus: Causes a General Protection Fault "for old times sake."

The Plug and Play Virus: Automatically installs peripherals incorrectly, so you don't have to do so manually.

Chicago Cubs Virus: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

The Macintosh Virus: Keeps popping up messages claiming to have invented everything on your system.

Congressional Virus: Sucks up 38% of your system resources and then locks up your computer arguing whether or not to give 2% of the resources back to you.

Pentium Pro Virus: Extorts a payment of $3,000 to run your existing programs slower.

The Liberal Democrat Virus: Takes from the rich and gives to the bureaucrats.

The Microsoft Money Virus: Makes all your Bank checks payable to Bill Gates.

Recycle Bin Virus: Pops up saying "Taking only aluminum files".

OLE-2 Virus: Largest and slowest virus available. Requires 200MB of hard drive space to run. If anyone would try to drag this virus it will be impossible to drop it after that. Win95 Crash Virus Ver 1.1, this is an update to 1.0 which was found to cause Windows 95 to work properly. This update will solve that problem.

The Comdex Virus: ties up system resources twice a year for a week at a time so that it is nearly impossible to move a file from one location to another.

The Microsoft Virus: wants to take over your hard drive. Systematically studies other software, replicates their good features, and then attempts to destroy them. It has a 40MB folder under construction in the Midwest section of your drive.

The Novell Virus: Wastes tremendous resources in absorbing other software programs on your hard drive, which are then evaluated, analyzed, dissected, and ultimately never heard from again.

The X-Files Anti Virus: Repeatedly detects the UFO virus but cannot produce any actual proof of its existence. Alleges that the operating system is involved in a conspiracy to destroy the evidence. Claims that UFO viruses reside in a hidden folder called AREA51, which is invisible to end users.

The Start Me Up Virus: Electronically transfers a nickel to the Rolling Stones every time you hit the Start button.

Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you several bills totaling $4,500.

Nike Virus: Just does it.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.



If you have anymore and you want to have them viewed by all, do e-mail them to dkit@oceanfree.net!

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