"Cross-Border Bodies" Vs "A Rabbit"
In the spirit of the evolving peace process, and in an effort to establish
which of Ireland's many security forces would take a leading role in the new
cross-border bodies, the two police forces and the two armies were each
brought to a secluded forest area in South Armagh, and given the task of
catching a rabbit, which had just been released there (courtesy of the FCA's
Counter Terrrorism Squad)
The Gardaí (Irish Police Force) went in to the forest. They placed animal
informants throughout their patch. They questioned all plant and mineral
witnesses. They did a video reconstruction of the rabbit's release for
Crimeline, and waited for some punter to solve the crime for them. After
three months of intensive investigation, they concluded that rabbits do not
Next came the Irish Army. They set up two base camps, and cleared a path
through the forest for the Pajero patrol from one to the other. They placed
listening devices in the undergrowth, but unable to hear any signs of animal
life on the tapes. Their investigation is still ongoing, six months later.
The British Army moved into the forest in full combat gear, with fifteen
helicopters and three small tanks. After two weeks without a capture, they
burned their patch of forest to the ground, killing everything in it,
including the rabbit. An investigation found that no blame could be attached
to any individual, as the local animal community were clearly harbouring the
The RUC moved in to the forest. Two hours later, they came out dragging a
badly beaten bear. the bear was screaming "Okay! Okay!, I'm a rabbit! I'm a
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