Wazzzzzafggggnnnmadderwidyoubolllix
(what-is-the-fuggnn-matter-wit-ewe-bollix).

This one works best if you are in the last stages of festering and an innocent bystander looks at you ‘funny’. Swing your head around tilting your chin up violently Close one eye while Raising the other eyebrow before Pointing your chin at your target and Screaming inquiringly:

"Wazzzzzafggggnnnmadderwidyoubolllix ?"

This procedure will clear the top deck of most busses and some pedestrian shopping areas. It has been known to work on animals and even members of the Garda Siochana (Police Force), but only as a muttered phrase to make you feel a bit better. Click here to continue to Lession Two, Part Two.