Sexuality
is an integral part of the personality of everyone:
man, woman and child. It is a basic need and aspect
of being human that cannot be separated from other
aspects of life. Sexuality is not synonymous with
sexual intercourse, it is not whether we have orgasm
or not, and it is not the sum total of our erotic
lives. These may be part of our sexuality but equally
they may not be. Sexuality is so much more. It is
the energy that motivates us to find love, contact,
warmth and intimacy; it is expressed in the way we
feel, move, touch and are touched; it is about being
sensual as well as being sexual. Sexuality influences
thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions and thereby
our mental and physical health. Since health is a
fundamental human right, so must Sexual Health also
be a basic human right. T. Langfeldt and M. Porter
(1986): Sexuality and family planning. WHO
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During
your teens you will probably become more involved
with your friends and more independent of your parents.
As your hormones are changing and you are becoming
more independent, you may be more likely to fly off
the handle and probably have more arguments with people
- especially your parents.
It is a difficult time for your parents too as they
have to live with your changing moods and learn to
accept that you are no longer a child. Can you talk
to your parents about your changing feelings?
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With
Friends
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Teenage
years can be very exciting and great fun. You may
also feel very lonely and insecure. You may feel jealous,
excluded and vulnerable at times. It is good to get
in touch with your own thoughts and feelings. It is
also important that you learn to express them. Your
friends are probably going through the same things.
As well as being supportive, some of your friends
may be urging you to do things you are not comfortable
with, such as smoking, drinking, taking drugs, or
having sexual intercourse. You may not always like
the way they behave towards you. You have a right
to be yourself and to make your own decisions and
so do your friends. Learning to be assertive and to
take responsibility for your life are useful skills
for sexual health and relationships.
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Sexual
Relationships
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Puberty
brings changes in feelings as well as bodily changes.
Sexual desire becomes a more important part of healthy
social and personal relationships. It helps to get
to know your own thoughts and feelings so you know
what is right for you.
While there is no set pattern to good sexual relationships,
you can have fun, be safe, and learn usefuls skills
by not rushing into sexual intercourse. Looking, flirting,
chatting up, hanging out, dating, breaking up, touching,
holding hands, kissing, French kissing, talking, fondling
outside clothes, fondling under clothes, stroking
of genitals etc…are all a part of developing sexual
relations.
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Sex
is much more than sexual intercourse. Remember to
talk to your partner about how you and they feel
and also so that you both know each others sexual
histories. Some people have unplanned sex, risking
pregnancy and infections. Remember to take care
of yourself EVERY time.
Some people have sexual intercourse before they
are ready and don't enjoy it. Some people get pregnant
on their first sexual encounter. Some people have
their first experience while drunk (some so drunk
that they cannot remember what they did or even
if they did it). If you start your sexual life in
a way that does not suit you, you can change. You
don't have to pay the price forever. |
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Sex can be one of life's greatest pleasures. But it
can also be very disappointing, frustrating, and embarrassing.
It can make you feel very vulnerable. It helps if we
understand our sexuality and can communicate with our
partners. Intimacy takes time and familiarity. It has
to be worked on. There are many things involved in sex
that can make it enjoyable for both people.
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Respect
the 3Rs
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Respect
for yourself
Respect for others
Responsibility for your actions and their consequences
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Safer
Sex
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This
involves physical contact which is arousing but does
not involve sexual intercourse. It can include kissing,
touching, fondling, mutual, or self masturbation.
Safer sex is giving and getting sexual pleasure without
taking exchanging bodily fluids. Using condoms offers protection from STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
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Know
Who You Are With
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If you ae sexually active (and remember most young people are not having sexual intercourse) you could consider what John (age 19), a peer educator says:
"Know who you are with. You should consider your own and your partner's sexual history. If you are not planning on being a parent or getting a sexually transmitted infection, then you should use a condom and probably another form of contraception too."
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Homosexuality
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Heterosexuals
(straights) are attracted to people of the opposite
sex; homosexuals (gays, lesbians) are attracted
to people of the same sex; bisexuals are attracted
to people of both sexes.
You may know from a very young age whether you
are gay, straight, or bisexual. You may feel attracted
to someone of the same sex sometimes but not others.
There is nothing unusual about having a crush
on someone of the same sex. It does not necessarily
mean that you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
If you are gay or bisexual you may have heard
loads of jokes about people like you. This is
because there is still a stigma against people
who are gay or bisexual. This is a form of discrimination
and is never right. |
Once people accept their sexual orientation, whatever
it is, they can choose friends who are supportive
of their sexuality.
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Sexuality
& Disability
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People
with disabilities have the same sexual needs and feelings
as everybody else. If you have a disability you might
find that these thoughts and feelings are often not
recognised, even by people who really care for you.
Many people with disabilities say they feel lonely
and find it hard to have good sexual relationships.
Many others say that their disability does not interfere.
Our country is slowly changing so that there is less
prejudice against people with disabilities and greater
recognition of the rights of people with disabilities.
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Rape
& Sexual Abuse
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A
sexual act is abusive when you do not consent to it,
or are pressurised or intimidated into having sex.
If you are forced, threatened, tricked or intimidated
into sex then this is abusive.
Most sexual abuse happens in families. It is NEVER
right. If you are worried about this, please contact
a Rape Crisis Centre who help support people who have
been raped or sexually assaulted/abused.
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Sexual
Activities
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Masturbation
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People
used to think that masturbation could make you blind
or give you hairy palms; none of this is true. This
is something that can be done by both men and women
and can be done with other people or on your own.
Really it's just another part of sex. It is not wrong
and it is quite safe.
Knowing how your own body gets turned on can really
help if and when you do have sex with someone. If
you know what turns you on then you can show the other
person what works for you. Orgasm is the climax of
sexual excitement. It usually involves pleasurable
feelings and rhythmic contractions of the muscles.
For males, ejaculation usually happens at the same
time as orgasm. Women don't find it as easy to climax
as men and will probably need more time. On the other
hand, they can have multiple orgasms.
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Kissing/French
Kissing
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Most
sexual experiences will start with a kiss or at
least include kissing at some point. Everyone
has their own individual style of kissing and
so it can be very useful to take your time. There
are many ways of kissing and practising them is
another reason not to rush into sexual intercourse.
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Oral
Sex
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Oral
sex refers to the use of the mouth or tongue to arouse
the genitals of a sexual partner. Oral sex can be
given and received by both men and women. It can be
done instead of sexual intercourse or it can be included
as a part of the whole package. Oral sex is a choice;
some people love it and others hate it. It is important
that you are comfortable with what you do. Avoid oral
sex if you have cold sores, as you could spread herpes.
(See Sexual Health page.)
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Vaginal
Intercourse
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This
type of sex most often involves the man putting his
penis into the woman's vagina and having sexual intercourse
with various rhythmic movements until one or both
of them come (climax).
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Anal
Sex
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Anal
sex is when the man puts his penis into the back passage
(anus) of his partner. Anal sex is often highly risky
sex and if you are having anal sex it is very important
to use a good quality condom and lubricant.
Anal sex should not be used as a means of preventing
pregnancy. If you have unprotected anal sex then the
semen in the anus could easily slip out and make its
way to the vagina. Again, it is important that you
are comfortable with what you do and you should never
feel pressurised into doing things you are unhappy
about.
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