Ally McBeal- McBealisms











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"I think I just need to believe that it works. Love, couplehood, partnerships. The idea that when two people come together, they stay together. I have to take that to bed with me every night, even if I'm going to bed alone. That's a McBealism."
  • "I'm human, I'm temperamental, I'm guilty, and I'm ovulating!"

  • "What, he can't be a man and just paw me a little? I am a sexual object, for godsake, he couldn't give me a little grope?"

  • "The thing about funerals, the guest of honor is always dead."

  • "That little Huggie bastard just threw a spear at me!"

  • Men are like gum anyway, after you chew they lose their flavor."

  • I'm going to criminal court?! I'm afraid of criminals..maybe that will change since I'm working for one.

  • It doesn't matter that I'm not in a relationship with anybody. Sometimes I feel like I'm being unfaithful to love itself.

  • Maybe it's because they say love is about learning to compromise, that's why they get themselves into compromising positions, they can call it research.

  • The first dance is critical. I never start off close. It gives me no place to go. A dance is basically foreplay. First there is the smile, then the laugh. The right kind of laugh can make a man feel interesting and funny. And that's what guys love most in women. Somebody who makes them feel engaging. I'm not listening to a word he says. And he's not hearing anything I'm say. He's got two questions. Does she like me and will my mother like her. This is the part where you just hold his eyes, look right at him, give him a sense of progress, I think I'll get closer now. Let him smell me little smile, little sniff..it's so easy.

  • I object to that your honour. I object to people who every time they do something scummy blame it on the environment.

  • All I ever wanted was to be rich, and to be successful and to have three kids and have a husband waiting at home to tickle my feet.

  • When I eat jell-o I feel better, don't ask me to reduce it to a science.

  • I have a thing about first impressions. I will forever see him as salad dressing face

  • "Of course I lied through my teeth, did you want me to tell Georgia that if Billy and I were on an island together it would be a completely horizontal way of life?"

  • "It's not just a baby, Renee. It dances, it wiggles, it struts around."

  • "Sometimes I'm more persusasive when I lack conviction."

  • "They say it's all in the attitude, and mine has changed. And I can tell, this time it's going to last--maybe even a week!"

  • "Don't ask any questions, don't pass judgements, don't even pass go! Just listen, accept the fact that I need help and give it to me."

  • "I'm actually luckier than most. I get to wake up each morning, glad to start a new day--grateful the last one is over."

  • "Today is going to be a...less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and know everything is going to be...less bad."

  • "Today is going to be a...less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and know everything is going to be...less bad."

  • "Whoever said that 'plenty of fish in the sea' thing was wrong. Sometimes there's only one fish. Trust me."

  • "I like being a mess. It's who I am."

  • "It has nothing to do with the size of his...shoe."

  • "Oh, I'm trying to catch that damn baby. He keeps runnin' around my room!"

  • "The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to."

  • "I'm having fun and I don't even know it!"

  • "Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits."

  • "That's very funny, because the other day I felt that we were going to get together and that's exactly where it happened. In your dreams."

  • "I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen."

  • "I know I've got it great, really. I've got good friends, good job, loving family, total freedom, and long bubble baths. What more could there be?"

  • "It's just that when you left...back then I prayed let me be married first, or let me have children first, or at least let me die first. I'm just nervous that I'm going to go 1 for 3."

  • "Who wants to be balanced? Balance is overrated!"

  • "Where does it say that women can't act like men sometimes? I saw a cute piece of meat and I said to myself, you only live once. Be a man."

  • "Well, whaddaya know. It's Sonny and Cher."

  • "Hey! No! Don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry. You didn't even look up to see who you bumped into. What if I was an old lady? I could've fallen down and broken a hip! I could be lying on my back in some HMO, my lungs filling up with phlegm 'till I'm on life support, draining my family of ever last cent of their inheritance while I asphyxiate on some half-hacked dried mucous! No! Don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry!"

  • "The truth for me [is that] our friendship is the greatest thing I got going. I cherish it. And to put honesty boundary on it... I don’t want to. So free fall with the truth and hope we both survive?"

  • "What, he can't be a man and just paw me a little? I am a sexual object, for godsake, he couldn't give me a little grope?"

  • "I-I've gotta carry something dead in a box. It's like on the same day I gotta deal with the two sure things in life: death and adultery. Oh, stop letting me talk!"

  • "All right, Mr. Huggy, you wanna dance? Let's go."

  • "All right, Mr. Huggy, you wanna dance? Let's go."

  • "Men are constantly trying to mentally undress me. I'm just trying to save them some time, that's all."

  • "I cannot believe the things I'm hearing come out of your mouth. But considering the places it's been, maybe I should'nt be so shocked!

  • "Don't even speak. I don't even want to know your name. I live across the street. I want to take you to a hotel room, take your clothes off, do bad things. I'll have you back in an hour. Whaddaya say?"

  • "And what? We're gonna say it happened by accident? She went out for some fresh air, stretched, and his penis fell in?"

  • "What is so great about the real world?"

  • We keep on believing life is gonna take care of everything. It doesn't."

  • "Just remember, when I'm here you're not the strangest person in the room. Go ahead, get weird on me."

  • "The last thing you want is to be in love with someone you can't have. Believe me, that's something I know."

  • "I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen."

  • Hi, I'm Ally McBeat, Meat, Meal, Beal! Ally McBeal. It takes a while but I usually get it right."

  • "We're women. We have double standards to live up to."

  • "I think the world is in big trouble. We laugh at people who aspire to romance, we celebrate hookers under the joys of female autonomy...do you want me to put this in writing, John?"

  • Sometimes there's no point in the truth if all it's going to do is cause pain."

  • Whenever I get depressed, I raise my hemline. If I keep on like this, I'm going to be arrested!"

  • "There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever."

  • "You're supposed to be able to send your life to the dry-cleaners and get it back nicely pressed and folded."

  • "Even if I get past my problems I'm just going to go out and get new ones!"

  • "Don't you Ally me. I don't like being Allied, especially by men!"