13-Step Homepage Developers Recovery Program

  1. I admit to being a recovering homepage-developer junkie

  2. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before I start to work on my homepage.

  3. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

  4. I will get dressed before noon.

  5. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of ideas for my homepage.

  6. I will sit down and write a letter or talk to those unfortunate few  friends and family that do not have their own homepage.

  7. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

  8. I will read a book...if I still remember how.

  9. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on my homepage.

  10. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

  11. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

  12. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to pay the minimum credit card balance because I was too busy with my homepage.

  13. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and that my homepage will always be there tomorrow!

Homepage Developers Guide

  1. The passive voice is to be avoided.

  2. Avoid alliteration. Always.

  3. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

  4. Avoid clichés like the plague (they're old hat.)

  5. Comparisons are as bad as clichés too.

  6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

  7. Contractions aren't necessary either.

  8. Never generalise.

  9. Be more or less specific.

  10. Don't be redundant - don't use more words than necessary because it's highly superfluous.

  11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

  12. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

  13. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

  14. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

  15. Who needs rhetorical questions anyway?

  16. Always sue a spell hcecker.

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