TERMS OF THE O'BYRNE FILES HUMOUR SERVICE

This message should be read from top to bottom. Each line should be read from left to right. Some blanks lines may be present. "The O'Byrne Files" takes no responsibility for any damage or injury caused by reading this message in any other way. I accept no responsibility for any results of blank lines, misspellings or poor grammar, or any naughty words that cause this material to be blocked by your web server. I have put all this in at the start because I cant afford any legal advice. In fact, I take no responsibility for anything, even for the content, and certainly not for any interpretation thereof.   This is not necessarily true however, so no part of this disclaimer should be interpreted as legal or other advice.

The following are the terms and conditions for use of The O'Byrne Files Sense of Humour and other humour services which may be offered from time to time by The O'Byrne Files for your use and enjoyment (each feature individually and collectively referred to as the "Service").

  1. This Service is provided to individuals who are at least 18 years old or minors.

  2. IMPORTANT: BY VISITING OR 'CLICKING' ON ANY PART OF MY PAGES OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED IN YOUR PARTICULAR BROWSER YOU ARE STATING THAT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR AND THAT YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY ALL OF THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THE SERVICE OR OTHER REQUIREMENTS DEEMED APPROPRIATE AS NECESSARY.

  3. You are entirely responsible for maintaining your sense of humour. Keep away from power lines. Do not stand in stairwells. Don't get burned by firewall.

  4. There is no warranty expressed or implied within the Service that purports to claim that you will find any of the material within The Service as funny or amusing.

  5. No part may be reproduced, transmitted, transcribed, stored in a retrieval system, or translated into any language or computer programme, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, optical, chemical, manual, sexual, telepathic, or otherwise unless it is delivered with the right timing.

  6. Avoid direct sunlight or any illegal medication while taking The Service.  Furthermore, you agree to notify The O'Byrne Files immediately of any unauthorised use of your sense of humour or any indication of a life-threatening splitting of sides, which will then be promptly be ignored. 

  7. The Service warps space and time in its vicinity.  Any use of this Service, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe.  Some quantum physics theories even suggest that when the consumer ("the reader") is not directly observing this Service, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

  8. Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures. (In other words: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it.")
  9. This material is offered 'as-is' and no warranty is given, either expressed or implied that it may be amusing. By downloading, modifying, copying, viewing, or otherwise using this material, you agree that neither the author of this material nor the owners or administrators of the site from which you might have solicited this material are liable for any breach of entertainment standards, damage or loss caused directly or indirectly by the use of this material, and that any such breaches, damage or loss is the sole responsibility of the person who downloads, modifies, copies, views, or uses this material, and blah blah blah...

  10. All information submitted by private individuals is to the best of The O'Byrne Files knowledge compliant in all respects with the year 2000, all subsequent years, and the requirements of the Public Health Acts, and any statutory modification or re-enactment therein in regard to the aforesaid O'Byrne Files and  every part thereof and with regard to all impositions whatsoever.... and if you are a lawyer gobshite who doesn't have a sense of humour who has actually got this far, you can stop reading now.

THE SHITE THAT SHOULD BE RIGHT AT THE VERY VERY VERY BOTTOM OF EVERY PAGE

This communication contains information which is strictly confidential and may also be privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s), and has been checked by The O'Byrne Files using Minesweeper, Solitaire and a ball of wool. If you are not the intended recipient(s), or if you have no sense of humour available, please note that any distribution, copying or use of this material or the information in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this information in error, please don't bother to notify The O'Byrne Files:- instead, simply destroy any copies of it, jump up and down in your cubicle, sing a B*Witched song at the top of your voice, pour a cup of coffee over your keyboard and reformat your supervisor's hard drive. In that order. And maybe, just blame The O'Byrne Files .

[ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER: The above does not infer or imply any claim in terms of the intellectual property rights of the original authors of any of the principal and prime movers in aforesaid material blah blah blah... All characters are fictional, blah blah blah... any resemblance to persons living or dead blah blah blah... and any slights of people, places, or organisations are unintentional blah blah blah...]

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