1969, Jon Leech was born to an overture of the Rolling Stones' Let It Bleed, in a washed out corn farm in the centre of Manhattan, a leech family legacy. The farm shortly after fell into the hands of developers, but not before a well up statesman by the name of Roger Dawltry passed by America's only inner city farm for a quiet traditional breakfast. He took one look at little Jon's pudgy face and remarked "Fucking hell, that's one ugly baby, he smells worse than shit."

His parents left the shores of America that year. Tragically the ship lost it's way, and arrived fifteen years late. Luckily, the three did not age at all during the journey, due to a freak blood condition, sparked by the strange strain of salt contained in the waters of the Atlantic. Remarkably for such a rare condition, seventeen other passengers held it also, and they too remained unaffected by the absurdly late arrival.

Aged four, Jon set out on his journies again, embarking on a methane fuled zeppelin in an expedition to travel the world in seventy-nine days, initiated by his all too ambitous father. Many beleived Jon completed the feat, but on return, Jon discovered he could no longer remember on what date he had set out. The next eight years of his life, he balanced academics with the playboy lifestyle of being a secret US military foreign agent during the dying days of the cold war. He then joined messiah operation.

He can be described as the drumming equivalent of a spider tap dancing and has the lifestyle of a silk curtain, always shimmering in the wind. Alleged lover, spanish actress Kimberly Moreno said of him, loosely translated "His love is like the ocean breeze, it will always grab me and never let go until I cry out his name."

In his spare time, Jon likes to visit salt mines, sometimes spending years there, unaffected by time, walk his pet mongoose, chasing snakes in the wild, and shining stop signs on the roads two for a fiver.

"Watching his drum fusion is like being hit by religious awakenings in the dark, or watching a star explode into it's own oblivion"
Phil Clinton, President of the United States of Ameripa, 1996.

I've seen this episode fourteen times already"
George Worst, Manchester United footballer, years before league documentation.

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