"There are some things I can just smell. It's like a 6th sense."
"Well, actually, that would be one of the five." -- Principal Snyder and Giles
"Yeah Giles wants to see it- he's in full research mood--Buffy
"That Summers girl- I smell trouble, I smell expulsion and just the faintest aroma of jail" -- Principal Snyder
"One day the campus is completely bare and empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawlinga round, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everyting in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist" -- Principal Snyder
"A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal pal". I say "Think of me as your judge, jury and executioner"
-- Principal Snyder
"Have you ever done an exchange program?"
"My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?" -- Buffy and Xander
"It's a baby. You got to keep it safe and teach it Christian values."
"My egg is Jewish."
"Then teach it that dreidel song." -- Xander and Willow
"Just sitting here watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh, look, a cockroach." *stomp* -- Willow
"You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years."
"Yeah, I'm irrational that way." -- Willow and Xander
"Well, I sort of test well, you know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs." -- Oz!
"You're here again? You kids really dig the library, don't you?"
"We're literary."
"To read makes our speaking English good." -- Miss Calendar, Buffy and Xander
"Willow said something, a name... What was it?"
"A bozo! Not a bozo."
"A bezoar."
"That's it. Okay, so now... we look it up?"
"In what?"
"A book?" -- Xander and Buffy
"But it's not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live."
"If it is, my science project is definitely coming in second this year." -- Buffy and Willow
"Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First, I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday. Now I have to read some computer book. There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?" -- Cordelia
"Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um..."
"England?" -- Buffy and Giles
"You know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback."
"And the abacus."
"Yeah, you know, you don't see enough abaci." -- Xander and Willow
"I have had it up to here with you four. What are you doing?"
"Nothing"
"Did I ask you to speak? .... Okay, I guess I did." -- Principal Flutie and Kyle
"On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building."
"Well, that was never proven. The fire marshal said it could have been mice."
"Mice."
"Mice that were smoking?" -- Principal Snyder and Buffy
"Do I like shrubs?"
"That's between you and your god."
"What'd you put?"
"I came down on the side of the shrubs."
"Go shrubs, okay." -- Buffy, Xander and Willow
"You wouldn't be helping Buffy in Sheila's place, would you?"
"No, we're hindering." -- Principal Snyder and Willow
"I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to." -- Cordelia
"You know what this means?"
"That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body-count competition this year?" -- Buffy and Xander
"Does this look familiar to either of you?"
"Yeah, sure. It looks like a book."
"I knew that one." -- Giles, Buffy and Xander
"There are no dead students here. This week." -- Principal Snyder
"Mitch wanted me to get his comb. He likes his comb."
"I don't think Mitch needs his comb right now. I think Mitch needs medical attention." -- Buffy and Principal Snyder
"See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things."
"I was beginning to suspect that was a myth." -- Buffy and Giles
"How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on."
"You weren't here from midnight until six researching it."
"No, I was sleeping." -- Willow and Giles
"It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to." -- Xander
"Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it." -- Cordelia
"Let me be sure I have this right - this witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells... so that she can become a *cheerleader*?" -- Giles
"Gym was cancelled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker." -- Cordelia
"I mean, the dead rose. We should have at least had an assembly." -- Xander
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