In Ireland, if
something is funny we say that 'it would make a cat laugh'.
Here are some jokes to tell your favourite feline.
I'm the teacher's
pet.
How do you know?
I'm kept in a cage at the bottom of the class.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.
Did you hear about the boy who was knocked down by a comedian?
He ended up in stitches.
Why did you call your new dog 'Sandwich'?
Because he's half-bred.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Felix.
Felix who?
If he licks my lolly once more I'll thump him.
What breed of dog goes into the corner every time the doorbell
rings?
A boxer.
You all know about
the Loch Ness monster, Bigfoot and the Yeti, but have you heard
of the notorious Paddycat (felix ferox patricus hibernicus)?
This is the only known photograph (taken by Yvonne) of this
fearsome creature whose habitat is the most remote region of County
Laois. The Paddycat's diet is believed to consist of bacon,
cabbage and Guinness, but he has been known to attack American
tourists who invade his territory searching for leprechauns and
Killarney. If you're thinking of coming to Ireland... be afraid...
be very afraid.
Why did the criminal refuse to go
to bed?
He was resisting arrest.
A duck walked into a chemist and asked if they had anything for
chapped lips. The assistant said it was £1.50 and the duck told
her to put it on his bill.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
He had nobody to go with.
Where do fleas go in winter? Search me.
Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
His Daddy was a Mummy.
What did the octopus say to his girlfriend?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
The teacher asked a child where God lived. "In the bathroom,"
he replied. "Why is that?" asked the teacher. "Because every
morning Daddy is outside shouting 'God will you ever come out!'"
HISTORY
TODAY LOCAL NAMES MEMORIES
THE HEATH
GAEILGE
INTERESTING FACTS
SPORTS
OUR MILLENNIUM
HOW'S SHE CUTTIN'?
OUR WRITING MURDERED ARTISTS
GOODBYE TO PRIMARY SCHOOL
HOW WE WELCOMED...
NO MORE, NO LESS
PLAYGROUND GAMES
PLACENAMES
A DAY IN THE LIFE
PICTURES OF OUR AREA
SORRY, LEONARDO.... PICTURES OF THE PAST
OUR PHOTOGRAPHY
FORTY-FIVE FACES